FYI- Talky Post
So recently, I was going to meet up with a friend to go have ice cream and chat up since this particular term has been super crazy for both of us. Sadly, though plans got cancelled because she needed to finish this one essay that needed to be turned in the next day and she barley had two paragraphs written down so I was like, okay no problem we will just reschedule when she comes back from Cali from visiting her dad. For me that wasn't an issue because I know I can hold her to her word that we will hang out once she gets back. I had a similar situation about wanting to make plans to hang out with my friend "S" over spring break since we don't really get to see each other much because she is really busy with school, work, other issues distractions from boys or other friends and family. Basically, I don't see her much and was looking forward to chilling with her over our break. Well, of course nothing Taylor ever wants to go her way because I found out she's going on a trip to Disneyland with her dad and siblings which is great yet, I asked if it was for all of break or just some of it cause I was just gonna wait to hang out till she got back. Turn's out it's for all of break so once again I'm like great I will be alone all of spring break... So to try to cheer myself up I asked her to hang out before she is going to leave and of course she has two big tests and like three huge essay's to finish so it didn't work out. To be very honest, I'm a little disappointed for the simple fact that I don't think she realizes how much I miss seeing her in person. I mean, we text quite often but sometimes it becomes cold as if I'm annoying her because I wanna talk to her. Or even worse when I do text or message her and get no response because that actually says a lot more than saying that you don't want to speak it's telling that specific person that they don't care. That's what hurt's the most.. I guess it's also from getting a text from my ex bff "D" this weekend we had a small convo it didn't last long they never do. My biggest issue is hearing the word's "I'm Busy" is at some point PEOPLE MAKE TIME FOR THE ONES THEY CARE ABOUT! It's as simple as that and God! I'm so beyond frustrated being the one that's always get's left behind it's created so many issues deep within myself because I let this people who are suppose to be my best friends in the world treat me this way. It's just that I'm so scared to lose people who have had such an huge impact on my life for years to just be gone. As, I write this with tears running down my face with my heart sunken so low into an ocean of disbelief.
Showing posts with label Diary Entry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diary Entry. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
Reuniting..
FYI- Talky Post
I have always said friends can be the best and worst people in you're life because if it's the best you are on the same page about everything and always enjoying each others company yet, if it's the opposite those people you once knew for being there for you no matter what just stop caring. I have had a interesting experience recently and that is because I have been dying to go to a concert because hello that's where I'm the most happy! So my choices were Queen and Adam Lambert but all the way in Seattle who I'd want to go see them with is my mom because that's always been one thing we bonded over. Then the other is Green Day who are coming to the Rose Garden (Moda Center) on August 2nd which seemed the most doable. So I was on the hunt for someone to go with, An I asked "S" and she shot me down because she doesn't like their music which is like okay whatever. Then I remembered a friend who we will call her "K" we use to be so obsessed with this band in middle school so I ended up asking her and she said she'd love to go but she's having to move to the coast with her boyfriend because they are homeless but if they go back there his parents can get them a place. While we started talking turns out today she needed my help to return two things at Home Depot which we did and she kept thanking me over and over again and tomorrow we have plans to go for coffee! The reuniting was nice because I'd always help her if I could I'm not one of those friends who won't help someone out in a time of need just because we stopped being friends and lost communication with one another.
I have been so tired the past two night's I have been sleeping horribly just for the reason of not being able to get comfortable it sucks. So right now, I'm barely holding my eyes open.. :(
Ps, can't wait to see how tomorrow goes!
I have always said friends can be the best and worst people in you're life because if it's the best you are on the same page about everything and always enjoying each others company yet, if it's the opposite those people you once knew for being there for you no matter what just stop caring. I have had a interesting experience recently and that is because I have been dying to go to a concert because hello that's where I'm the most happy! So my choices were Queen and Adam Lambert but all the way in Seattle who I'd want to go see them with is my mom because that's always been one thing we bonded over. Then the other is Green Day who are coming to the Rose Garden (Moda Center) on August 2nd which seemed the most doable. So I was on the hunt for someone to go with, An I asked "S" and she shot me down because she doesn't like their music which is like okay whatever. Then I remembered a friend who we will call her "K" we use to be so obsessed with this band in middle school so I ended up asking her and she said she'd love to go but she's having to move to the coast with her boyfriend because they are homeless but if they go back there his parents can get them a place. While we started talking turns out today she needed my help to return two things at Home Depot which we did and she kept thanking me over and over again and tomorrow we have plans to go for coffee! The reuniting was nice because I'd always help her if I could I'm not one of those friends who won't help someone out in a time of need just because we stopped being friends and lost communication with one another.
I have been so tired the past two night's I have been sleeping horribly just for the reason of not being able to get comfortable it sucks. So right now, I'm barely holding my eyes open.. :(
Ps, can't wait to see how tomorrow goes!
Thursday, February 2, 2017
A Rough Few Days..
FYI- Talky Post
UGH! so all this shit started on Sunday when I was suppose to go hang out with "S" while she worked on her film project. The first annoying thing was she didn't make a set in stone plan and she knows I'm one of those people who if you're gonna hang out with me I need a time, place, and what we are doing. Once again, it was "oh I'll text you when I wake up" then when I got up and noticed no text I texted her 3 times and called her once because my mom was gonna give me a ride to where we were suppose to be meeting so I needed to tell her because she was meeting my dad and I wasn't trying to waste her time. Then got in the car and noticed where we were meeting was way further than I thought and I had to walk home and it was gonna take me all damn day! Plus the fact that I have to walk to the bus stop all week. So I choose to just go home because I knew it was gonna be to much walking and I wasn't in the mood already. Later I found out on snapchat that she ended up bring her sister along like wtf! was she gonna come along from the start? Personally, I think if your bringing someone along on an outing that you have planned with another person YOU SHOULD TELL THEM! not just surprising them on that person..
Then that Monday I felt bad so I ended up texting her and once again she's stuck on this guy who never really liked her and she did "Netflix and chill" with him like come on? Then of course we went back and fourth fighting through texting it's all just so fucking stupid!
Then I thought I was gonna be able to talk with my other close friend "D" who texted me saying she missed me and hoped I was well and I should have known she's just too busy to talk and that got my hopes up and then I felt like I crashed and burned...
On top of all this shit, I was so happy to hang out with one of my good friends on campus yesterday and I texted her while I was in class to tell her what time I get out and she replies that "she can't come because she barley got started on her speech for her class." Right? Just like that I felt like complete crap because all I wanted is to be able to talk to someone.. I'm so alone and boy does it suck!
Last night, mom came home and asked me how was my day and I just exploded and said I didn't want to talk about it and I don't because if I do I get way to fucking emotional and I don't like being emotional my brain sees emotion that's in the sad area just as fucking weakness and I'm not that kind of person to go sit and cry about shit I'd much rather keep it all inside and pretend everything is fine.
Plus, I think one of the real reason's why I don't want to open up is because I hate explaining everything it just takes way to much time and I just don't think it's worth it...
UGH! so all this shit started on Sunday when I was suppose to go hang out with "S" while she worked on her film project. The first annoying thing was she didn't make a set in stone plan and she knows I'm one of those people who if you're gonna hang out with me I need a time, place, and what we are doing. Once again, it was "oh I'll text you when I wake up" then when I got up and noticed no text I texted her 3 times and called her once because my mom was gonna give me a ride to where we were suppose to be meeting so I needed to tell her because she was meeting my dad and I wasn't trying to waste her time. Then got in the car and noticed where we were meeting was way further than I thought and I had to walk home and it was gonna take me all damn day! Plus the fact that I have to walk to the bus stop all week. So I choose to just go home because I knew it was gonna be to much walking and I wasn't in the mood already. Later I found out on snapchat that she ended up bring her sister along like wtf! was she gonna come along from the start? Personally, I think if your bringing someone along on an outing that you have planned with another person YOU SHOULD TELL THEM! not just surprising them on that person..
Then that Monday I felt bad so I ended up texting her and once again she's stuck on this guy who never really liked her and she did "Netflix and chill" with him like come on? Then of course we went back and fourth fighting through texting it's all just so fucking stupid!
Then I thought I was gonna be able to talk with my other close friend "D" who texted me saying she missed me and hoped I was well and I should have known she's just too busy to talk and that got my hopes up and then I felt like I crashed and burned...
On top of all this shit, I was so happy to hang out with one of my good friends on campus yesterday and I texted her while I was in class to tell her what time I get out and she replies that "she can't come because she barley got started on her speech for her class." Right? Just like that I felt like complete crap because all I wanted is to be able to talk to someone.. I'm so alone and boy does it suck!
Last night, mom came home and asked me how was my day and I just exploded and said I didn't want to talk about it and I don't because if I do I get way to fucking emotional and I don't like being emotional my brain sees emotion that's in the sad area just as fucking weakness and I'm not that kind of person to go sit and cry about shit I'd much rather keep it all inside and pretend everything is fine.
Plus, I think one of the real reason's why I don't want to open up is because I hate explaining everything it just takes way to much time and I just don't think it's worth it...
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
The Hoildays.. HA!
Talky Post!
So, two days after Christmas and damn it takes so much to prepare for it that once it's over you look around and think damn how the hell did that happen? The answer being I became my mom's Elf which meant I helped pick up the extra work so she could focus on what she needed to get done which is totally fine and I was very willing to help out but with certain things she wants it to be done her way and okay I understand that because everyone likes to do things their own way. Expect when the way I found to do it is much faster and takes have the amount of time it makes me a little angry that she strongly raises her voice at me to do it her way. For example this morning, we were taking down the Christmas Decorations so I got the empty boxes and started placing stuff in categories such as, living room, bathroom, kitchen etc. Well, wanted to sort it herself and ended up getting snippy with me when she told me to bring in stuff thats on the formal dining room table into the living room and I answered with "That's what I'm doing" she took it as attitude when I was just telling her what I was doing. She later said she was sorry. I think we have just spent TOO MUCH TIME together lately tomorrow I'm gonna go hang out with a friend for the day just to give her that space. I also think she's sad about having to go back to school (she's a teacher) I mean aren't we all ;)
So, two days after Christmas and damn it takes so much to prepare for it that once it's over you look around and think damn how the hell did that happen? The answer being I became my mom's Elf which meant I helped pick up the extra work so she could focus on what she needed to get done which is totally fine and I was very willing to help out but with certain things she wants it to be done her way and okay I understand that because everyone likes to do things their own way. Expect when the way I found to do it is much faster and takes have the amount of time it makes me a little angry that she strongly raises her voice at me to do it her way. For example this morning, we were taking down the Christmas Decorations so I got the empty boxes and started placing stuff in categories such as, living room, bathroom, kitchen etc. Well, wanted to sort it herself and ended up getting snippy with me when she told me to bring in stuff thats on the formal dining room table into the living room and I answered with "That's what I'm doing" she took it as attitude when I was just telling her what I was doing. She later said she was sorry. I think we have just spent TOO MUCH TIME together lately tomorrow I'm gonna go hang out with a friend for the day just to give her that space. I also think she's sad about having to go back to school (she's a teacher) I mean aren't we all ;)
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Letting My Guard Down
FAIR WARNING TALKY POST!
In my personality I think I have two sides one being the silly, funny, energetic side of myself that all my friends and family see the typical everyday self. Then the other being the side that stores all feelings, emotions, memories which is way most of my sadness in life lives. It's funny the other day I was talking to my closest friend "S" who has really stepped up in the past few years of being friends because I often turned to her when I didn't have anyone else. Well, we were talking about star signs her's being Gemini and mine being a Sagittarius and what traits we think co inside with who we are and mine is known two have two personalities the crazy loud one and the more emotional deeper one.
I don't know what it is but their is something in me that I hate showing any type of emotions if they not the happier ones. I guess in my head it reads it as being weak which I know it isn't at all because someone being brave enough to share their most deepest feelings and emotions is way more stronger than someone who shoves them way down and not letting them see the light of day. I've said this before but I can get "stuck" in my sadness it tends to linger around which is where I'm at right now. The reason is in the last two post's I have made on here and rather not address it directly but I guess it's the feeling of being so close with someone but wanting completely different lives. This friend wants the typical American Dream; Get Married, Buy a house, Have kids etc basically she wants a life of a housewife now I'm not discrediting the work of a housewife because I honestly think they are the hardest working people in the world sometimes because having to keep up with cooking, cleaning, kids, appointments, and still trying to have a romantic relationship with their significant other. (Major Props Given!) I have seen this life first hand with my sister and how her family dynamic works. Her husband is the breadwinner of the family and she is a stay at home mother so she does all of those chores I have spoken above in the last sentence. All though, the life I want to lead is a bit of a crazy one my dream job is to be a writer for Rolling Stone magazine or if I get lucky to continue on with this blog and revamp it into a primary music related blog because that's mixing my two loves in life writing and music. Now I know that life leads a huge amount of travel, busier than expected daily schedule, and a lot of networking with the "right" people. The best description I can give is the film Almost Famous directed by Cameron Crow I would kill to be his character getting to go on tour with a band and reporting and interviewing them about their lives and the creative processes. Also though I see myself as a version of the character Penny Lane because of that free spirit vibe, the loving heart that drives her to watch out for the other girls on tour as well, and of course wanting to be as close as possible to the men and women who create the music that makes her blood flow through her veins. (Side note: I wrote something about describing why I relate so much to the film Almost Famous let me know if you guys want me to post it on here!). What is frustrating is I also want what is the American Dream as well but different and filled with blending both work and pleasure which I laugh at because everyone swears I'll marry a musician one day and I have to agree because I feel like I could truly be myself with another creative soul. Honestly, I felt like I just needed to vent and let out everything I have been thinking about to a place where I know I won't get judged.
Love, Tay
In my personality I think I have two sides one being the silly, funny, energetic side of myself that all my friends and family see the typical everyday self. Then the other being the side that stores all feelings, emotions, memories which is way most of my sadness in life lives. It's funny the other day I was talking to my closest friend "S" who has really stepped up in the past few years of being friends because I often turned to her when I didn't have anyone else. Well, we were talking about star signs her's being Gemini and mine being a Sagittarius and what traits we think co inside with who we are and mine is known two have two personalities the crazy loud one and the more emotional deeper one.
I don't know what it is but their is something in me that I hate showing any type of emotions if they not the happier ones. I guess in my head it reads it as being weak which I know it isn't at all because someone being brave enough to share their most deepest feelings and emotions is way more stronger than someone who shoves them way down and not letting them see the light of day. I've said this before but I can get "stuck" in my sadness it tends to linger around which is where I'm at right now. The reason is in the last two post's I have made on here and rather not address it directly but I guess it's the feeling of being so close with someone but wanting completely different lives. This friend wants the typical American Dream; Get Married, Buy a house, Have kids etc basically she wants a life of a housewife now I'm not discrediting the work of a housewife because I honestly think they are the hardest working people in the world sometimes because having to keep up with cooking, cleaning, kids, appointments, and still trying to have a romantic relationship with their significant other. (Major Props Given!) I have seen this life first hand with my sister and how her family dynamic works. Her husband is the breadwinner of the family and she is a stay at home mother so she does all of those chores I have spoken above in the last sentence. All though, the life I want to lead is a bit of a crazy one my dream job is to be a writer for Rolling Stone magazine or if I get lucky to continue on with this blog and revamp it into a primary music related blog because that's mixing my two loves in life writing and music. Now I know that life leads a huge amount of travel, busier than expected daily schedule, and a lot of networking with the "right" people. The best description I can give is the film Almost Famous directed by Cameron Crow I would kill to be his character getting to go on tour with a band and reporting and interviewing them about their lives and the creative processes. Also though I see myself as a version of the character Penny Lane because of that free spirit vibe, the loving heart that drives her to watch out for the other girls on tour as well, and of course wanting to be as close as possible to the men and women who create the music that makes her blood flow through her veins. (Side note: I wrote something about describing why I relate so much to the film Almost Famous let me know if you guys want me to post it on here!). What is frustrating is I also want what is the American Dream as well but different and filled with blending both work and pleasure which I laugh at because everyone swears I'll marry a musician one day and I have to agree because I feel like I could truly be myself with another creative soul. Honestly, I felt like I just needed to vent and let out everything I have been thinking about to a place where I know I won't get judged.
Love, Tay
Monday, December 12, 2016
My Birthday 12/12/16
FAIR WARNING TALKY POST!
Well, I'm officially 21 years old it feels very nice because I do like my life at the moment everything seems to be going really great which I'm thankful for. I got a handful of super sweet birthday messages which I loved but sadly, didn't get one from a friend who we've drifted apart a lot this past year and it's hard because we always said we'd spend our birthdays together. I mean for her's I sent her this long thoughtful message and I can't even get a "happy birthday" from her is just beyond heartbreaking because of all the history we have between us. I guess there's still 11 hours of my birthday so I possibly could still get some kind of gesture showing she cares a tiny bit but I highly doubt I'm going to get it. Other than that my days going pretty well I have this confidence within that I feel really sexy for some odd reason like I'm pretty sure I've been cat-walking it all around campus
(I'm doing finals at the moment). Another cool thing is we had a small snow shower last week in which caused two days off from school for my mom (she's a teacher) we got the house all pretty for Christmas and had a nice walk in the snow all though on the way back we kept getting just straight ice coming down into our faces which wasn't nice but once we got home where it was all nice and warm I decided it was a good day. Actually the news says we are suppose to get another round of winter weather so I'm prepared but the last time I doubted we would get anything. I sure was soooo wrong! Tonight my parents are taking me out to dinner which is sweet but I just wanted to do that will friends not my parents you know? Oh well, I'll live hopefully we will go early enough nobody I'd know is there because spending your 21st with your parents is beyond lame! (Fingers Crossed)
Well, I'm officially 21 years old it feels very nice because I do like my life at the moment everything seems to be going really great which I'm thankful for. I got a handful of super sweet birthday messages which I loved but sadly, didn't get one from a friend who we've drifted apart a lot this past year and it's hard because we always said we'd spend our birthdays together. I mean for her's I sent her this long thoughtful message and I can't even get a "happy birthday" from her is just beyond heartbreaking because of all the history we have between us. I guess there's still 11 hours of my birthday so I possibly could still get some kind of gesture showing she cares a tiny bit but I highly doubt I'm going to get it. Other than that my days going pretty well I have this confidence within that I feel really sexy for some odd reason like I'm pretty sure I've been cat-walking it all around campus
(I'm doing finals at the moment). Another cool thing is we had a small snow shower last week in which caused two days off from school for my mom (she's a teacher) we got the house all pretty for Christmas and had a nice walk in the snow all though on the way back we kept getting just straight ice coming down into our faces which wasn't nice but once we got home where it was all nice and warm I decided it was a good day. Actually the news says we are suppose to get another round of winter weather so I'm prepared but the last time I doubted we would get anything. I sure was soooo wrong! Tonight my parents are taking me out to dinner which is sweet but I just wanted to do that will friends not my parents you know? Oh well, I'll live hopefully we will go early enough nobody I'd know is there because spending your 21st with your parents is beyond lame! (Fingers Crossed)
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
To Have A Bad Day
FYI- Talky Post
Yesterday, I had a bad day now nothing happened to create a bad day all though I felt really down. I'm a very emotional person therefore I feel lots of emotions at one time which I have always said it's both a blessing and a curse because of that it's a blessing because I think I can relate to lots of different kinds of people I've never really liked what was considered "normal" its the people who are different that have the best stories too tell and you can always learn something from them wether you know it or not. There we're many reasons as to why I was having a bad day one was how I looked. Now I wasn't going anywhere that day it was just a chilled out day at home so usually I throw my hair up into a high pony tail and don't have any make up on. Well I must have tried putting my hair up at least 10 times and couldn't get it how I wanted it.. then while looking the mirror I just kept seeing my acne scars and I was breaking out and I had some new spots and for some reason I just couldn't get past it so I felt ugly. I rarely feel ugly that kind of ugliness where all you want is to curl up and have no one see you but I did which is dangerous for me because my mind will make problems out of nothing so the problem that arose was that I use filters on my Instagram or Snapchat pics not because I like how they look and change my features a bit but because I need to cover up how I really look when my face is bare and I don't have my hair to hid behind. It's a very self-destructive way of thinking and it sort of ate me up inside and really made me feel low. The point to the story is that it's perfectly okay to have bad days and to sit in a bad mood especially if that's how you work out of that kind of headspace the best. I hate it when there's that one friend in you're group of friends who is always super happy/positive who doesn't understand that not everyone is like them and they need to deal with how they know best. Don't get me wrong if I wanted to be cheered up or talk through something I could of texted my closest friend "S" who I know is always there for me to help me but I just wanted to stay in that sadness and the next day I woke up in a much happier mood and I was just fine sometimes we just need to have a bad day....
Love, Tay
Yesterday, I had a bad day now nothing happened to create a bad day all though I felt really down. I'm a very emotional person therefore I feel lots of emotions at one time which I have always said it's both a blessing and a curse because of that it's a blessing because I think I can relate to lots of different kinds of people I've never really liked what was considered "normal" its the people who are different that have the best stories too tell and you can always learn something from them wether you know it or not. There we're many reasons as to why I was having a bad day one was how I looked. Now I wasn't going anywhere that day it was just a chilled out day at home so usually I throw my hair up into a high pony tail and don't have any make up on. Well I must have tried putting my hair up at least 10 times and couldn't get it how I wanted it.. then while looking the mirror I just kept seeing my acne scars and I was breaking out and I had some new spots and for some reason I just couldn't get past it so I felt ugly. I rarely feel ugly that kind of ugliness where all you want is to curl up and have no one see you but I did which is dangerous for me because my mind will make problems out of nothing so the problem that arose was that I use filters on my Instagram or Snapchat pics not because I like how they look and change my features a bit but because I need to cover up how I really look when my face is bare and I don't have my hair to hid behind. It's a very self-destructive way of thinking and it sort of ate me up inside and really made me feel low. The point to the story is that it's perfectly okay to have bad days and to sit in a bad mood especially if that's how you work out of that kind of headspace the best. I hate it when there's that one friend in you're group of friends who is always super happy/positive who doesn't understand that not everyone is like them and they need to deal with how they know best. Don't get me wrong if I wanted to be cheered up or talk through something I could of texted my closest friend "S" who I know is always there for me to help me but I just wanted to stay in that sadness and the next day I woke up in a much happier mood and I was just fine sometimes we just need to have a bad day....
Love, Tay
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Space Never Fills The Void
FYI- Talky Post
Recently I put a status on fb that said "Look back on the past as not how much you miss how it use to be but look at how far you have came." That is something I'm trying to live by because I often get stuck in the past because memories have a very special place in my heart it's where some of the best stories are told, where I've laughed the hardest, or where I thought life couldn't get any better than it was in that very moment. I guess I'm a very reflective person but with being an emotional person it's not always a good thing to think about the past. Sadly I've been hurt in the past especially with friendships as anyone who reads my blog knows but having somebody who was my best friend (I don't say that word lightly) someone who I would have done anything for to leave me for a life that she's always wanted. Meaning living with a boyfriend who makes her very happy so she has him and the bunch of new friends she has made in her town 600 miles away it's gotten to the point where we just wish each other a happy birthday to go from that and thinking about how we'd talk all day everyday it's sad but that's how adult life goes people get caught up in day to day life and sometimes forget the people that they once use to care very much about. I still hope sometimes she thinks of me when something reminds her of me. Also my next closet friend is going away for 3 months on a student aboard program and doesn't come back till late December and I'm gonna miss her so much but I'm trying not to show it too much because her best friend isn't being the most supportive about the trip so I don't want to bum her out with whatever I'm feeling about her being gone. It's just that this one friend "B" has always been there for me when no one else was especially with me drifting apart from my own best friend she has been always very supportive yet with her being gone I know how alone I really will be I have a few friends that I know I can hang with and talk too but you know when you just want to have those talks where someone can be so honest and say anything that's what I'm gonna miss because it's not that easy to have that level of trust with just anybody... Although I know I'll be just fine sometimes I just get stuck in my sadness and can't get myself out of the frame of mind and my friends are the ones who get me out of those moods so this will be a test with myself to see if I can hold myself together and I do have faith plus I know I'll always have my love of music there for me!
Love, Tay
Recently I put a status on fb that said "Look back on the past as not how much you miss how it use to be but look at how far you have came." That is something I'm trying to live by because I often get stuck in the past because memories have a very special place in my heart it's where some of the best stories are told, where I've laughed the hardest, or where I thought life couldn't get any better than it was in that very moment. I guess I'm a very reflective person but with being an emotional person it's not always a good thing to think about the past. Sadly I've been hurt in the past especially with friendships as anyone who reads my blog knows but having somebody who was my best friend (I don't say that word lightly) someone who I would have done anything for to leave me for a life that she's always wanted. Meaning living with a boyfriend who makes her very happy so she has him and the bunch of new friends she has made in her town 600 miles away it's gotten to the point where we just wish each other a happy birthday to go from that and thinking about how we'd talk all day everyday it's sad but that's how adult life goes people get caught up in day to day life and sometimes forget the people that they once use to care very much about. I still hope sometimes she thinks of me when something reminds her of me. Also my next closet friend is going away for 3 months on a student aboard program and doesn't come back till late December and I'm gonna miss her so much but I'm trying not to show it too much because her best friend isn't being the most supportive about the trip so I don't want to bum her out with whatever I'm feeling about her being gone. It's just that this one friend "B" has always been there for me when no one else was especially with me drifting apart from my own best friend she has been always very supportive yet with her being gone I know how alone I really will be I have a few friends that I know I can hang with and talk too but you know when you just want to have those talks where someone can be so honest and say anything that's what I'm gonna miss because it's not that easy to have that level of trust with just anybody... Although I know I'll be just fine sometimes I just get stuck in my sadness and can't get myself out of the frame of mind and my friends are the ones who get me out of those moods so this will be a test with myself to see if I can hold myself together and I do have faith plus I know I'll always have my love of music there for me!
Love, Tay
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Knowing I Can Be Alone And Be Okay
FYI- Talky Post!
Recently I have just realized I can be alone and still be okay it may be a strange thing too say but it's been a really difficult place to get to in my life. Growing up I always had somebody near me either it being family such as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins or very close friends also a few special guys along the way so I'd never been fully alone. Until school started in 2014 my friends were starting there first year of college and I didn't know what I wanted too do the furthest I got was graduating high school then didn't think beyond that which trust me I know it was stupid but to have something as a true passion in life that being cooking of course I wanted to go to school for that until about my junior year of high school I don't know what happened it just didn't really matter as much as it once did and honestly after that two weeks of hell I had to get through to walk across that stage I sure as hell didn't want to be sitting in a classroom so soon again I wanted time off. So from the end of summer till the start of March that year I didn't do much at all. During that time I got really depressed because I was so use too having this day to day contact with my best friends that when I was told many a times "I'm so busy" "I'm sorry I just don't have the time" it created this anger instead of me because I was so sick of being pushed away when I truly needed someone by my side. March rolled on by and my mom pushed me to start taking just one class at a community college to get me out of the house and start being more social which is something I needed to do. I took that class and passed an A+ then the summer came and I decided that I'd start fresh in the fall and before I knew it I was taking an almost full class load in both fall and winter terms with the spring term being lighter cause I did so much with the other two terms. Now I love taking classes and of course I'm changing my major too journalism probably something to do with writing because thats why I think I excel at and have been told I'm a good writer. One of my dreams is too take this blog to the next level and to do this full time and go to blogger events because I really do love doing this! Going back to me being comfortable in a college setting it gave me perspective of what my best friends were experiencing and knowing the feeling of being super busy and not having the time to chat or hang out. It made me see what they were going through and understand where they were coming from. Now I can go a week or two without speaking too them but know that if I do call or text they are there. I also have to thank my bestie "S" she has been there for me when my other "Bestie" just wasn't acting the way a bestie should act. "S" picked up the leftover emotional crap I had and helped me sort out my feelings and made me feel like she was always there if I needed her. I'm so thankful for her and our friendship :)
Love, Tay
Recently I have just realized I can be alone and still be okay it may be a strange thing too say but it's been a really difficult place to get to in my life. Growing up I always had somebody near me either it being family such as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins or very close friends also a few special guys along the way so I'd never been fully alone. Until school started in 2014 my friends were starting there first year of college and I didn't know what I wanted too do the furthest I got was graduating high school then didn't think beyond that which trust me I know it was stupid but to have something as a true passion in life that being cooking of course I wanted to go to school for that until about my junior year of high school I don't know what happened it just didn't really matter as much as it once did and honestly after that two weeks of hell I had to get through to walk across that stage I sure as hell didn't want to be sitting in a classroom so soon again I wanted time off. So from the end of summer till the start of March that year I didn't do much at all. During that time I got really depressed because I was so use too having this day to day contact with my best friends that when I was told many a times "I'm so busy" "I'm sorry I just don't have the time" it created this anger instead of me because I was so sick of being pushed away when I truly needed someone by my side. March rolled on by and my mom pushed me to start taking just one class at a community college to get me out of the house and start being more social which is something I needed to do. I took that class and passed an A+ then the summer came and I decided that I'd start fresh in the fall and before I knew it I was taking an almost full class load in both fall and winter terms with the spring term being lighter cause I did so much with the other two terms. Now I love taking classes and of course I'm changing my major too journalism probably something to do with writing because thats why I think I excel at and have been told I'm a good writer. One of my dreams is too take this blog to the next level and to do this full time and go to blogger events because I really do love doing this! Going back to me being comfortable in a college setting it gave me perspective of what my best friends were experiencing and knowing the feeling of being super busy and not having the time to chat or hang out. It made me see what they were going through and understand where they were coming from. Now I can go a week or two without speaking too them but know that if I do call or text they are there. I also have to thank my bestie "S" she has been there for me when my other "Bestie" just wasn't acting the way a bestie should act. "S" picked up the leftover emotional crap I had and helped me sort out my feelings and made me feel like she was always there if I needed her. I'm so thankful for her and our friendship :)
Love, Tay
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Back To Normal
FYI- Talky Post
Finally all is well again mom went back to school today as well as I got another ride which is always nice! Sometimes you just need to have an easy day and I'm looking forward to getting to sleep in on Friday because I totally didn't want to get up this morning I try to only stay in bed till 9:20 at the latest so I have time to get ready, feed myself, and make sure I have everything I need for class. The only thing that is kinda bugging me is that yesterday I texted "S" just while I was waiting for my class to start and I caught her at a bad time because I guess her class was just starting so I was like no biggy just text me later. She responded with "Of Course :)" and I got nothing it's like really? come on don't be that kinda of person.... sorry guy's this is a short one I just don't have much to say next time tho :)
Love, Tay
Finally all is well again mom went back to school today as well as I got another ride which is always nice! Sometimes you just need to have an easy day and I'm looking forward to getting to sleep in on Friday because I totally didn't want to get up this morning I try to only stay in bed till 9:20 at the latest so I have time to get ready, feed myself, and make sure I have everything I need for class. The only thing that is kinda bugging me is that yesterday I texted "S" just while I was waiting for my class to start and I caught her at a bad time because I guess her class was just starting so I was like no biggy just text me later. She responded with "Of Course :)" and I got nothing it's like really? come on don't be that kinda of person.... sorry guy's this is a short one I just don't have much to say next time tho :)
Love, Tay
Monday, April 25, 2016
There's Hope I Guess
FYI- Talky Post
Starting from where I was mentally last week I was such a wreck emotionally it was all too much for me to be able to deal with which is why I had a bit of a meltdown Friday night mostly because of trying to watch one of mine and my mom's shows but she kept falling asleep and I just got so fed up with it I just went straight to my room to get away. After landing on my bed just crying so hard that I had trouble breathing and snuggling this old stuffed animal I had since I was 10. Finally my mom came in to say goodnight and I just exploded and ended up telling her everything that was getting to me. Her being sick, Issues with my writing professor, Missing my friends, and basically becoming a crying mess and once again she picked up the pieces and told me that she was going to be just fine after they do the surgery. This morning she had the surgery and I saw her and she didn't look as bad as I thought she would thank god tho Dad ended up taking me to school early so at the moment I'm sitting in the library honestly I'd rather be here than at home because I hate the unknown like I'm sure she will be just fine because just before we had left she was eating some of her smoothie that dad got her so that's a good sign. Hopefully she will rest up today and go to school (she's a teacher) tomorrow so everything can just go back to normal and everything is on a routine again. Personally I like to live my life on somewhat of a routine because I like knowing what is going to come next in my day so this has been rough on me cause I don't want to sneak around my house just cause my mom is hogging the downstairs area. It's strange I know but it's just another thing about myself that I can't explain. Another thing that I have been doing lately is praying which is something that I don't normally do but when something in my life is really hard to deal with emotionally I pray and it seems to be working because I have been praying for my mom's health to improve and for her surgery that she had today to go well. It did so the people I pray to which are my grandparents on my mothers side who I like to think are my guardian angels who watch over me to give me strength and hope. Then of course I pray to God because I do believe that in tough moments in our lives if you look to him he will help guide you through it all.
Love, Tay
Starting from where I was mentally last week I was such a wreck emotionally it was all too much for me to be able to deal with which is why I had a bit of a meltdown Friday night mostly because of trying to watch one of mine and my mom's shows but she kept falling asleep and I just got so fed up with it I just went straight to my room to get away. After landing on my bed just crying so hard that I had trouble breathing and snuggling this old stuffed animal I had since I was 10. Finally my mom came in to say goodnight and I just exploded and ended up telling her everything that was getting to me. Her being sick, Issues with my writing professor, Missing my friends, and basically becoming a crying mess and once again she picked up the pieces and told me that she was going to be just fine after they do the surgery. This morning she had the surgery and I saw her and she didn't look as bad as I thought she would thank god tho Dad ended up taking me to school early so at the moment I'm sitting in the library honestly I'd rather be here than at home because I hate the unknown like I'm sure she will be just fine because just before we had left she was eating some of her smoothie that dad got her so that's a good sign. Hopefully she will rest up today and go to school (she's a teacher) tomorrow so everything can just go back to normal and everything is on a routine again. Personally I like to live my life on somewhat of a routine because I like knowing what is going to come next in my day so this has been rough on me cause I don't want to sneak around my house just cause my mom is hogging the downstairs area. It's strange I know but it's just another thing about myself that I can't explain. Another thing that I have been doing lately is praying which is something that I don't normally do but when something in my life is really hard to deal with emotionally I pray and it seems to be working because I have been praying for my mom's health to improve and for her surgery that she had today to go well. It did so the people I pray to which are my grandparents on my mothers side who I like to think are my guardian angels who watch over me to give me strength and hope. Then of course I pray to God because I do believe that in tough moments in our lives if you look to him he will help guide you through it all.
Love, Tay
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Longest Week Ever!
FYI- Talky Post
This by far has to be the longest week ever hence the title of this post it was just a shit show all together starting off with mom being sick/in pain today was suppose to be her consultation but I'm assuming that they didn't do anything since she is coming to get me from class which sucks because I just want her to get better to get back to being my normal mom instead of like a zombie. Honestly I'm really angry at her because this whole thing could have been prevented if she would have just gone to the dentist like she should have been doing. Then adding onto the crap from my I failed my psych test which dropped my 100% to a 76% :( so that sucked then yesterday I got up to go to creative writing and all of us students were waiting for her until I checked my email and she sent an email 40 minutes before class was suppose to start saying it was cancelled like excuse me! I came here for no reason then.... I'm just so over this week but I doubt I'm going to get the weekend I want because mom will be hogging the downstairs like she has been ALL WEEK! Hello there are other people in the goddamn house! Go hide in your own room instead of me having to be stuck in mine! Then Sabrina is being short with me again like hello when you have a meltdown I'm there for you listening to you talk for hours on end but when it's flipped and I need somebody it's short answers and "You will be fine" crap it's like once again I'm the better friend! surprise not ;)
This by far has to be the longest week ever hence the title of this post it was just a shit show all together starting off with mom being sick/in pain today was suppose to be her consultation but I'm assuming that they didn't do anything since she is coming to get me from class which sucks because I just want her to get better to get back to being my normal mom instead of like a zombie. Honestly I'm really angry at her because this whole thing could have been prevented if she would have just gone to the dentist like she should have been doing. Then adding onto the crap from my I failed my psych test which dropped my 100% to a 76% :( so that sucked then yesterday I got up to go to creative writing and all of us students were waiting for her until I checked my email and she sent an email 40 minutes before class was suppose to start saying it was cancelled like excuse me! I came here for no reason then.... I'm just so over this week but I doubt I'm going to get the weekend I want because mom will be hogging the downstairs like she has been ALL WEEK! Hello there are other people in the goddamn house! Go hide in your own room instead of me having to be stuck in mine! Then Sabrina is being short with me again like hello when you have a meltdown I'm there for you listening to you talk for hours on end but when it's flipped and I need somebody it's short answers and "You will be fine" crap it's like once again I'm the better friend! surprise not ;)
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Bringing Up Unresolved Issues
FYI- Talky Post
The start of this week cause be utterly completely shit because it all started with my mom having a toothache on Sunday morning I thought okay that sucks but hey it's just a little toothache well I was sooooo wrong! It developed into a horrible burning pain for my mother and she started getting sick more and more and it just freaked me out I physically can't handle being around sick meaning people throwing up it just not only grosses me out but it also turns me into a bit of a gem freak and I start thinking oh no what if I somehow catch it? I can't I have an essay and an exam this week that I can't miss! Around 7pm my dad comes home and I'm hiding in our office because I couldn't hide in my room because for some reason the lights in my room didn't work but everything else did. So I came out of the office to tell dad about my light to see if he could fix it or at least tell me what I was doing wrong so I could. He asks me "Taylor have you been taking care of mom?" I said "No" then he asked why so I said "Because" at that very moment I'm sure my dad that I was just being a little brat but I was on the verge of a mental breakdown because if I tried to tell him the real reason why I couldn't then I would have exploded into crying mess. As for the real reason it's because it transports me back to age 12 still a very fragile young girl and just having her grandfather die.... He was my world and I took his passing really hard so much so that I often said I'd rather have it be me who had passed on because at least it would have taken away all the pain that all my loved ones were experiencing. Maybe just two days after hearing about the passing of my grandpa my mom ended up getting really sick and it scared me to death because I already lost someone who was my rock I couldn't possibly take the idea of losing my mom as well. The whole time my mom was sick I basically crawled inside myself emotionally and wouldn't talk to anyone and hide in my room until the madness finally ended. Now if I would have told my dad that he probably would have understood where I was coming from but to even utter those very words it wouldn't be understandable because of the tears that would have been streaming down my face the whole time. Moving onto the next day I woke up to get ready for class and saw my mom was up and dressed well she had a dentist appointment and they told her she has to get a toothache pulled and she has a consultation for Thursday but who knows when it's actually going to get done?! Plus the recovery takes at least three days. After I got that news I was like great she will be at home all fucking week..... Until I got up this morning which is Tuesday to see that my mom was gone and went to school so of course she will be so crabby when she comes to pick me up from class then which I will retreat back to my room for the night. Honestly I'm not trying to be rude to my mom at all while she is going through this tough time but it's much easier to hide then it is to see my mom in pain.. I'm already thinking of ways I can get out of the house on the weekend if she does ended up getting the teeth work done on Thursday. To end this long post of me being emotionally draining I end by saying this by far has to be the worst week ever....
Love, Tay
(FUCK OFF!)
The start of this week cause be utterly completely shit because it all started with my mom having a toothache on Sunday morning I thought okay that sucks but hey it's just a little toothache well I was sooooo wrong! It developed into a horrible burning pain for my mother and she started getting sick more and more and it just freaked me out I physically can't handle being around sick meaning people throwing up it just not only grosses me out but it also turns me into a bit of a gem freak and I start thinking oh no what if I somehow catch it? I can't I have an essay and an exam this week that I can't miss! Around 7pm my dad comes home and I'm hiding in our office because I couldn't hide in my room because for some reason the lights in my room didn't work but everything else did. So I came out of the office to tell dad about my light to see if he could fix it or at least tell me what I was doing wrong so I could. He asks me "Taylor have you been taking care of mom?" I said "No" then he asked why so I said "Because" at that very moment I'm sure my dad that I was just being a little brat but I was on the verge of a mental breakdown because if I tried to tell him the real reason why I couldn't then I would have exploded into crying mess. As for the real reason it's because it transports me back to age 12 still a very fragile young girl and just having her grandfather die.... He was my world and I took his passing really hard so much so that I often said I'd rather have it be me who had passed on because at least it would have taken away all the pain that all my loved ones were experiencing. Maybe just two days after hearing about the passing of my grandpa my mom ended up getting really sick and it scared me to death because I already lost someone who was my rock I couldn't possibly take the idea of losing my mom as well. The whole time my mom was sick I basically crawled inside myself emotionally and wouldn't talk to anyone and hide in my room until the madness finally ended. Now if I would have told my dad that he probably would have understood where I was coming from but to even utter those very words it wouldn't be understandable because of the tears that would have been streaming down my face the whole time. Moving onto the next day I woke up to get ready for class and saw my mom was up and dressed well she had a dentist appointment and they told her she has to get a toothache pulled and she has a consultation for Thursday but who knows when it's actually going to get done?! Plus the recovery takes at least three days. After I got that news I was like great she will be at home all fucking week..... Until I got up this morning which is Tuesday to see that my mom was gone and went to school so of course she will be so crabby when she comes to pick me up from class then which I will retreat back to my room for the night. Honestly I'm not trying to be rude to my mom at all while she is going through this tough time but it's much easier to hide then it is to see my mom in pain.. I'm already thinking of ways I can get out of the house on the weekend if she does ended up getting the teeth work done on Thursday. To end this long post of me being emotionally draining I end by saying this by far has to be the worst week ever....
Love, Tay
(FUCK OFF!)
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Thinking About A Past Flame Is It A Bad Thing?
FYI- Talky Post
So as you can tell from the title I have been thinking a lot about a past flame of mine and honestly I don't know how to feel about it. The idea popped into my head for a possible creative writing essay because my professor wants us to write about some deep dark shit and I was told my essay is a "cliche" EXCUSE ME! You don't fucking tell a student that you crazy psycho bitch! For my next essay I might write about this guy I think I could really get something out of doing that because it changed me as a person. He was the guy I read books about (rocker bio's) or the kinds of musicians I adore because not only to accept their art form I understand what is making them lash out. It's a strange thing to understand because it's not that I want to "fix guys" as my mom would put it but allow them to be the best self they can be. I spent a lot of time with this guy who we will call "C" because towards the end of middle school and beginning of high school I felt very out of place in my family. The reason being I always looked at my sister and her family as being more important in my parents eyes probably for the reason being my sister had her first child at 19 and my life turned upside down. Trust me I'm not saying that I wish my nephews didn't exist because I love them so much but going through that gave me a complex of not ever feeling good enough because I don't have kids. So when family wasn't giving me the attention I needed I had "C" by my side and we fell so hard for each other that it's a great first love story. "C" had a lot of issues that's probably why we bonded because we both could understand and accept each other for who we were.
So as you can tell from the title I have been thinking a lot about a past flame of mine and honestly I don't know how to feel about it. The idea popped into my head for a possible creative writing essay because my professor wants us to write about some deep dark shit and I was told my essay is a "cliche" EXCUSE ME! You don't fucking tell a student that you crazy psycho bitch! For my next essay I might write about this guy I think I could really get something out of doing that because it changed me as a person. He was the guy I read books about (rocker bio's) or the kinds of musicians I adore because not only to accept their art form I understand what is making them lash out. It's a strange thing to understand because it's not that I want to "fix guys" as my mom would put it but allow them to be the best self they can be. I spent a lot of time with this guy who we will call "C" because towards the end of middle school and beginning of high school I felt very out of place in my family. The reason being I always looked at my sister and her family as being more important in my parents eyes probably for the reason being my sister had her first child at 19 and my life turned upside down. Trust me I'm not saying that I wish my nephews didn't exist because I love them so much but going through that gave me a complex of not ever feeling good enough because I don't have kids. So when family wasn't giving me the attention I needed I had "C" by my side and we fell so hard for each other that it's a great first love story. "C" had a lot of issues that's probably why we bonded because we both could understand and accept each other for who we were.
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Little Life Update
FYI- Talky Post ;)
Okay I'm back sorry for taking a break but I just wasn't inspired to write about anything so I didn't want to put out lame posts. Let's start from the beginning I'm on spring term at the moment and it's super crazy only because I started with four classes which is the basic amount for a term. My luck the first one was a Film and Lit course which was online so I thought okay this seems interesting and fun well it wasn't because I logged on to go through the Syllabus for the course and it ended up not working out for me because everything had to be done by Friday which wasn't gonna work for me because personally I like to get homework done on Saturday's because I'm usually home alone cause my parents are out and about at the moment it's antiques that they go spend the day searching for treasures. So I decided that I wasn't going to be able to keep up with the course so I dropped it. Next was Zumba because my friend really wanted to take it so I sucked it up and did it with her well it was hell! The teacher was some blonde bimbo who assumed everyone in the class was an amazing dancer yet the course is called ZUMBA FOR BEGINNERS! she was such a bitch to on the last day of class she stood right in front of me to block me from watching myself with the mirrors that were on the wall. After class I woke up on a Friday morning which is the one day that I only had Zumba in the evening so basically I had the whole day to myself well I checked my school email because I was waiting to get my bill for school and I got an email saying a course is cancelled and I looked and it was Zumba. I'm sure she decided that she was tired of teaching people who it takes time to learn a skill because she looked down on us so much made us feel like we just weren't good enough. There goes two courses so I'm left with Creative Writing and Psychology which are both really fun to be a part of so I enjoy going to school. As for what else is going on my friend "S" has a "boyfriend" now some dude she found off a dating website I just don't understand why my two best friends pick such lame guys I mean especially "D" because she is soooo pretty and could be with somebody who was an equal in the looks department compared too her. Although the "boyfriend" looks just like Sam Smith who isn't bad looking but I get gay vibes from him she I don't know I hope one day soon she realizes she can do so much better! I often think why am I single? Honestly because I'm not gonna settle for some random dude that I don't actually think is all that amazing. Excuse me for wanting to catch someone's eye and just have an intense moment I know soon enough I will get that. Partly why I'm like this is because I have been a bit spoiled because all of the guys I have liked the stories of how I have fallen for them have been interesting and sorta movie like in a way oh well :)
Okay I'm back sorry for taking a break but I just wasn't inspired to write about anything so I didn't want to put out lame posts. Let's start from the beginning I'm on spring term at the moment and it's super crazy only because I started with four classes which is the basic amount for a term. My luck the first one was a Film and Lit course which was online so I thought okay this seems interesting and fun well it wasn't because I logged on to go through the Syllabus for the course and it ended up not working out for me because everything had to be done by Friday which wasn't gonna work for me because personally I like to get homework done on Saturday's because I'm usually home alone cause my parents are out and about at the moment it's antiques that they go spend the day searching for treasures. So I decided that I wasn't going to be able to keep up with the course so I dropped it. Next was Zumba because my friend really wanted to take it so I sucked it up and did it with her well it was hell! The teacher was some blonde bimbo who assumed everyone in the class was an amazing dancer yet the course is called ZUMBA FOR BEGINNERS! she was such a bitch to on the last day of class she stood right in front of me to block me from watching myself with the mirrors that were on the wall. After class I woke up on a Friday morning which is the one day that I only had Zumba in the evening so basically I had the whole day to myself well I checked my school email because I was waiting to get my bill for school and I got an email saying a course is cancelled and I looked and it was Zumba. I'm sure she decided that she was tired of teaching people who it takes time to learn a skill because she looked down on us so much made us feel like we just weren't good enough. There goes two courses so I'm left with Creative Writing and Psychology which are both really fun to be a part of so I enjoy going to school. As for what else is going on my friend "S" has a "boyfriend" now some dude she found off a dating website I just don't understand why my two best friends pick such lame guys I mean especially "D" because she is soooo pretty and could be with somebody who was an equal in the looks department compared too her. Although the "boyfriend" looks just like Sam Smith who isn't bad looking but I get gay vibes from him she I don't know I hope one day soon she realizes she can do so much better! I often think why am I single? Honestly because I'm not gonna settle for some random dude that I don't actually think is all that amazing. Excuse me for wanting to catch someone's eye and just have an intense moment I know soon enough I will get that. Partly why I'm like this is because I have been a bit spoiled because all of the guys I have liked the stories of how I have fallen for them have been interesting and sorta movie like in a way oh well :)
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Cozy and Snug
FYI- Talky Post
I'm on Spring Break at the moment which is super nice honestly my favorite thing is being able to sleep in I love my sleep and being able to get up on my own time. Yesterday I spent the day catching up with a good friend who I have spoken about before I'll call her S. It was really nice because all we did was sit on my couch and talk it felt so good to be able to speak face to face again. All though we did basically chat the whole day away because she ended up leaving at like 9:30 pm whoops! As for today it is very much a chilled out day this morning I went with my mom to do some errands which included going to one of her favorite retro shops at the moment she wants to do all this DYI projects it's funny because she never had an interest in that stuff before but it's never to late to start a new hobby. My only request is for her to be careful I don't want her going to the hospital because of a project gone wrong yikes! I'm actually sat in this little pink chair in my room all bundled up in a sweater and a fluffy blanket very happy and cozy finally I have been cold all day. Tomorrow I'm going shopping with my mom which should be fun because it's always pretty funny we like to joke around a lot. If I do end up getting anything I will post about it :)
I'm on Spring Break at the moment which is super nice honestly my favorite thing is being able to sleep in I love my sleep and being able to get up on my own time. Yesterday I spent the day catching up with a good friend who I have spoken about before I'll call her S. It was really nice because all we did was sit on my couch and talk it felt so good to be able to speak face to face again. All though we did basically chat the whole day away because she ended up leaving at like 9:30 pm whoops! As for today it is very much a chilled out day this morning I went with my mom to do some errands which included going to one of her favorite retro shops at the moment she wants to do all this DYI projects it's funny because she never had an interest in that stuff before but it's never to late to start a new hobby. My only request is for her to be careful I don't want her going to the hospital because of a project gone wrong yikes! I'm actually sat in this little pink chair in my room all bundled up in a sweater and a fluffy blanket very happy and cozy finally I have been cold all day. Tomorrow I'm going shopping with my mom which should be fun because it's always pretty funny we like to joke around a lot. If I do end up getting anything I will post about it :)
Monday, March 14, 2016
Overcoming Fear
FYY- Another talky post sorry I promise I'll do something better soon!
As of right now at 1:22 pm on Monday the 14th of March I'm sitting on campus waiting to present my project for my English class which normally has myself a bit freaked out because public speaking was never really my thing. The reason why is because I have a stuttering problem so with certain letters they just don't come out well or either they don't come out at all. It's very frustrating to say the least but it's something that gave me strength because if someone laughs I'm like really? You couldn't be even the slightest bit more mature that's just plain pathetic. I actually feel prepared to talk about my project because I think I pushed myself to really work hard on this essay because it's an issue close to my heart. I ended up speaking about stereotypes of the LBGTQ community mostly regarding marriage but also talking about other issues as well. It was a lot about the lack of acceptance towards them still I was surprised because I thought things have came a long way and yes, they have but still have a long way to go still! Another really cool aspect of the project was since I love music I found two songs that speak about the same issues I did in my essay. So that's going to bring me to my point where I will speak about how the messages within the songs are trying to send messages of acceptance to the world and how we need to just embrace it. Let Love Rule!
It's truly as simple as that.
Love, Tay
As of right now at 1:22 pm on Monday the 14th of March I'm sitting on campus waiting to present my project for my English class which normally has myself a bit freaked out because public speaking was never really my thing. The reason why is because I have a stuttering problem so with certain letters they just don't come out well or either they don't come out at all. It's very frustrating to say the least but it's something that gave me strength because if someone laughs I'm like really? You couldn't be even the slightest bit more mature that's just plain pathetic. I actually feel prepared to talk about my project because I think I pushed myself to really work hard on this essay because it's an issue close to my heart. I ended up speaking about stereotypes of the LBGTQ community mostly regarding marriage but also talking about other issues as well. It was a lot about the lack of acceptance towards them still I was surprised because I thought things have came a long way and yes, they have but still have a long way to go still! Another really cool aspect of the project was since I love music I found two songs that speak about the same issues I did in my essay. So that's going to bring me to my point where I will speak about how the messages within the songs are trying to send messages of acceptance to the world and how we need to just embrace it. Let Love Rule!
It's truly as simple as that.
Love, Tay
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Hooked For Life
FYI- Talky Post
Do you ever just have that one thing that if a guy has that personality trait it hooks you no matter what? Well, mine is a musical talent wether it be singing, playing an instrument, or even the talent of having a good ear for great music. It explains a lot about the type of men I like because I have a thing for those damaged souls because in my thought process I can somehow help them or at least help them get through the pain. Much to my parents dismay I noticed I got this caring trait from my mom which I find so funny because boy I'm surprised she ended up with someone like my father who isn't a damaged soul whatsoever he is a very strong, caring, and kind man and no matter how much I say I'd never want to marry someone like him isn't true at all because he showed me how a man should be and that he'd do anything for his girls; myself, my sister, and my mom. I respect him so much for that! Anyways talking about that brings me to my next point I wanted to make which is I also have wondered is what kind of man I will end up with? In my head I have two guesses which are a rebel who in every way embodies the sprit of a rocker or a sweet southern boy who will love me till the day we die. Yes, I know those are two very different types of men to begin with yet it's just who I see myself with. All together I have had about 4 serious relationships in my life when I think about them it makes me proud of even though those didn't work out I still learned a lot and I'm thankful for that.
Sometimes being "hooked" isn't a bad thing.
Love, Tay
Do you ever just have that one thing that if a guy has that personality trait it hooks you no matter what? Well, mine is a musical talent wether it be singing, playing an instrument, or even the talent of having a good ear for great music. It explains a lot about the type of men I like because I have a thing for those damaged souls because in my thought process I can somehow help them or at least help them get through the pain. Much to my parents dismay I noticed I got this caring trait from my mom which I find so funny because boy I'm surprised she ended up with someone like my father who isn't a damaged soul whatsoever he is a very strong, caring, and kind man and no matter how much I say I'd never want to marry someone like him isn't true at all because he showed me how a man should be and that he'd do anything for his girls; myself, my sister, and my mom. I respect him so much for that! Anyways talking about that brings me to my next point I wanted to make which is I also have wondered is what kind of man I will end up with? In my head I have two guesses which are a rebel who in every way embodies the sprit of a rocker or a sweet southern boy who will love me till the day we die. Yes, I know those are two very different types of men to begin with yet it's just who I see myself with. All together I have had about 4 serious relationships in my life when I think about them it makes me proud of even though those didn't work out I still learned a lot and I'm thankful for that.
Sometimes being "hooked" isn't a bad thing.
Love, Tay
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Hard Work Is The Best Kind Of Work
FYI- Talky Post!
The reason for this title is because this coming up week is finals week and all I can say is thank god!
Overall the term wasn't hard at all but I saw a change in myself and in my work ethic which makes me really happy. In school I always wanted good grades and for the most I did get them but I never really wanted to go over and beyond for a grade. I'd look at those kids as teacher pets and be like seriously guys but the outlook changed when I began college because I wasn't gonna settle for a grade that personally I thought I deserved better. I'm happy to say I will be ending the term with 2 B's and an A :) now all I have to do is present two projects and take one test wish me luck!!
It will be so nice to have spring break just to do whatever I want you know with out thinking "Oh am I gonna get enough sleep" or "Okay I have this much time till I have to leave for class" I hate that. Expect more posts from me since I will be off school for awhile please comment and leave suggestions of different kinds of posts you guys would like to see :)
The reason for this title is because this coming up week is finals week and all I can say is thank god!
Overall the term wasn't hard at all but I saw a change in myself and in my work ethic which makes me really happy. In school I always wanted good grades and for the most I did get them but I never really wanted to go over and beyond for a grade. I'd look at those kids as teacher pets and be like seriously guys but the outlook changed when I began college because I wasn't gonna settle for a grade that personally I thought I deserved better. I'm happy to say I will be ending the term with 2 B's and an A :) now all I have to do is present two projects and take one test wish me luck!!
It will be so nice to have spring break just to do whatever I want you know with out thinking "Oh am I gonna get enough sleep" or "Okay I have this much time till I have to leave for class" I hate that. Expect more posts from me since I will be off school for awhile please comment and leave suggestions of different kinds of posts you guys would like to see :)
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Looking Forward To The End!
FYI- Talky Post!
1:10 pm
At the moment I'm sitting in a Starbucks wait for a friend to show up so we can work on our final project together. I think it's going to be a lot of fun and we can totally bust out this final which is one of those reason's why we are doing it together. Over the weekend I finished my last English essay which was a big task off my shoulders because my professor decided we need a 1,200 word limit now I usually don't have an issue with an word limit on a essay but when I got my last essay back she "nicely" told me I talk to much so I stressed out on keep my essay a suitable length so I wouldn't get marked down. Overall I liked her as a professor because she pushed us to do great work but she was also so picky about the little details that almost at one point in the term I wanted to punch her in the face.
9:56 pm
It's me again lol tonight took a turn for the worst because my parents had a fight :( I know it's not my problem but it still just breaks my heart so I decided to text a friend just to distract myself from thinking about it well once again she doesn't give a flying fuck what's going on with me or how I feel at one moment in the convo I told her straight up I miss her and I want to know/feel she misses me as well and the one word answers start up OMG!!!!!!! Pisses me off so much because hello you need to change!!!!!! Now it really feels like I have nobody :(
#Lonely
Love, Tay
1:10 pm
At the moment I'm sitting in a Starbucks wait for a friend to show up so we can work on our final project together. I think it's going to be a lot of fun and we can totally bust out this final which is one of those reason's why we are doing it together. Over the weekend I finished my last English essay which was a big task off my shoulders because my professor decided we need a 1,200 word limit now I usually don't have an issue with an word limit on a essay but when I got my last essay back she "nicely" told me I talk to much so I stressed out on keep my essay a suitable length so I wouldn't get marked down. Overall I liked her as a professor because she pushed us to do great work but she was also so picky about the little details that almost at one point in the term I wanted to punch her in the face.
9:56 pm
It's me again lol tonight took a turn for the worst because my parents had a fight :( I know it's not my problem but it still just breaks my heart so I decided to text a friend just to distract myself from thinking about it well once again she doesn't give a flying fuck what's going on with me or how I feel at one moment in the convo I told her straight up I miss her and I want to know/feel she misses me as well and the one word answers start up OMG!!!!!!! Pisses me off so much because hello you need to change!!!!!! Now it really feels like I have nobody :(
#Lonely
Love, Tay
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