Bringing Up Unresolved Issues

FYI- Talky Post


The start of this week cause be utterly completely shit because it all started with my mom having a toothache on Sunday morning I thought okay that sucks but hey it's just a little toothache well I was sooooo wrong! It developed into a horrible burning pain for my mother and she started getting sick more and more and it just freaked me out I physically can't handle being around sick meaning people throwing up it just not only grosses me out but it also turns me into a bit of a gem freak and I start thinking oh no what if I somehow catch it? I can't I have an essay and an exam this week that I can't miss! Around 7pm my dad comes home and I'm hiding in our office because I couldn't hide in my room because for some reason the lights in my room didn't work but everything else did. So I came out of the office to tell dad about my light to see if he could fix it or at least tell me what I was doing wrong so I could. He asks me "Taylor have you been taking care of mom?" I said "No" then he asked why so I said "Because" at that very moment I'm sure my dad that I was just being a little brat but I was on the verge of a mental breakdown because if I tried to tell him the real reason why I couldn't then I would have exploded into crying mess. As for the real reason it's because it transports me back to age 12 still a very fragile young girl and just having her grandfather die.... He was my world and I took his passing really hard so much so that I often said I'd rather have it be me who had passed on because at least it would have taken away all the pain that all my loved ones were experiencing. Maybe just two days after hearing about the passing of my grandpa my mom ended up getting really sick and it scared me to death because I already lost someone who was my rock I couldn't possibly take the idea of losing my mom as well. The whole time my mom was sick I basically crawled inside myself emotionally and wouldn't talk to anyone and hide in my room until the madness finally ended. Now if I would have told my dad that he probably would have understood where I was coming from but to even utter those very words it wouldn't be understandable because of the tears that would have been streaming down my face the whole time. Moving onto the next day I woke up to get ready for class and saw my mom was up and dressed well she had a dentist appointment and they told her she has to get a toothache pulled and she has a consultation for Thursday but who knows when it's actually going to get done?! Plus the recovery takes at least three days. After I got that news I was like great she will be at home all fucking week..... Until I got up this morning which is Tuesday to see that my mom was gone and went to school so of course she will be so crabby when she comes to pick me up from class then which I will retreat back to my room for the night. Honestly I'm not trying to be rude to my mom at all while she is going through this tough time but it's much easier to hide then it is to see my mom in pain.. I'm already thinking of ways I can get out of the house on the weekend if she does ended up getting the teeth work done on Thursday. To end this long post of me being emotionally draining I end by saying this by far has to be the worst week ever....

Love, Tay
(FUCK OFF!)