Just fair warning this is going to be a talky post...
I'm at an odd place because I have had a very lonely summer cause most of my friends are doing lots of other things which I'm happy for them of course but I sadly thought okay well schools out so I'm going to be able to see them a lot more but I was wrong. By realizing this I felt mad to be honest because in my eyes I feel like it's cause they don't want to spend time with me anymore now it's probably all in my head I tend to over-think a lot it's one of my worst habits. Yet yes I feel sort of frustrated that this turned out the way it has but on the other hand I also feel like okay I have tried many a time to put myself out their to try to hang out and then also stay in contact so I think I have done my part but I'm just not really getting much back and it freaking sucks. It's one of those things that I wish I could stop caring so much about everything in general like do I actually have this much empathy? Is it normal? I doubt it. As for the other side of me I'm starting not to care as much as maybe I thought I did because why be the person that's only trying it's dumb and I hate that feeling waiting around like I'm some lost little puppy because that's not me I'm beginning to realize I can function without day to day contact with people I use to see everyday I guess that's what it means when you're starting think more like an adult ( Score 1 for Tay! )
I never thought trying to "grow up" would be this hard for some reason I had the thought that okay I get out of school and boom I will be in college with a great intern job making money and starting too live my life and honestly I wish that all actually happened. I feel like such a waste a person because so many people around me have gone on to do great things yet I'm over here just barley started it makes me feel like I'm not good enough which is something I have dealt with all my life. Always I have compared myself to people around me instead of me just being me now I may be starting to just be me and not caring so much about what others think because why let others win you know? The fact that people around use are factors in every choice we make seems crazy like why aren't I'm doing things the way I want too? Well I'm going to start and if people don't like it they can suck it lol
( Yeah I have a bit of a attitude on me ;-) That's a trait of mine for sure but the way I look at it is that true good people around you would be like " Oh yeah that's just tay being tay" and laugh about it because it's something that's not going to change and I thank those people! - Taylor
No comments:
Post a Comment