The Sound Of Silence

Prompted Writing- Write about staying quiet when you feel like shouting...


I often feel like this when I get upset because I'm the type of person that I immediately crawl into myself. Meaning I'd rather suffer privately behind closed doors then tell somebody about the problem or issue at hand. I've always been very emotional ever since from a young age I think I would pick up on people's moods and feelings especially if they were close to me. Most people think oh well, If you're emotional your good at talking about your feelings HELL NO! I'm so bad at it I think because as I've grown up and had to go through difficult things such as grieving over death, lose of friendships or dealing with arguments with friends, or romantic endeavors that never developed into anything real, and family issues I cared what other people have thought. An example is say not telling my parents about an argument with a friend because once me and said friend worked out the issue whenever they'd come over I didn't want my parents to look at them in a different way because of the issue we had. The easiest way to explain it is not having people I care about not like the other people I care about weather it be friends and family or friends and friends everyone isn't going to mix well I know that now but it took awhile for me to understand that and to be okay with it. There is this one time in particular that makes me think of staying quite when I felt like yelling at the world because I was so upset and distraught. During my junior year I really liked a guy at my school he was a jock and a popular kid and I'd always been a floater meaning I liked to hang out with lots of different groups of kids such as choir, drama, sports, etc. Yet that year I decided I wanted to be more outgoing so I became friends with a few "Popular Girls" that were in my classes and that's how I started speaking with this guy. For being 16 we talked about very serious stuff anything and everything under the sun we got to be friends and soon after that we admitted to hanging feelings for each other so all was great until around early April which is when most girls start thinking about Prom and such we were juniors it was the first time we could go without being asked by an upperclassmen so I was excited to hopefully be waiting to be asked to go with this guy right?! Well, two weeks before prom we were hanging out together at his house and he started to pressure me into doing stuff that I wasn't ready to do or willing to do and he acted like okay I completely understand sort of thing. We both agreed not to go to Prom and just do something together that night we that night I was on Facebook and boom there's pictures of said guy with another girl and my heart burst into little pieces... It hurt so bad because he lied too me so once the school week came along I just held my head up high and acted like nothing happened and damn straight I wasn't ever speaking to him again. That day I found out he took this girl to prom because he knew she would put out for him! WTF!!! anyways the point of telling this story is that I was so hurt on the inside that I only told my best friend "D" at the time  about it because I don't want the questions or having to re-tell the story itself cause it really did shake me to my core I guess you could even call it my 2nd time where something broke my heart. As an adult now I try very hard to speak my feelings to the people I know I can trust and have my back because to hold all of those toxic emotions inside of you isn't good for you're mental health at all.
It's quite the lesson learned I can say that for sure!

Love, Tay