FYI- Talky Post
So recently, I was going to meet up with a friend to go have ice cream and chat up since this particular term has been super crazy for both of us. Sadly, though plans got cancelled because she needed to finish this one essay that needed to be turned in the next day and she barley had two paragraphs written down so I was like, okay no problem we will just reschedule when she comes back from Cali from visiting her dad. For me that wasn't an issue because I know I can hold her to her word that we will hang out once she gets back. I had a similar situation about wanting to make plans to hang out with my friend "S" over spring break since we don't really get to see each other much because she is really busy with school, work, other issues distractions from boys or other friends and family. Basically, I don't see her much and was looking forward to chilling with her over our break. Well, of course nothing Taylor ever wants to go her way because I found out she's going on a trip to Disneyland with her dad and siblings which is great yet, I asked if it was for all of break or just some of it cause I was just gonna wait to hang out till she got back. Turn's out it's for all of break so once again I'm like great I will be alone all of spring break... So to try to cheer myself up I asked her to hang out before she is going to leave and of course she has two big tests and like three huge essay's to finish so it didn't work out. To be very honest, I'm a little disappointed for the simple fact that I don't think she realizes how much I miss seeing her in person. I mean, we text quite often but sometimes it becomes cold as if I'm annoying her because I wanna talk to her. Or even worse when I do text or message her and get no response because that actually says a lot more than saying that you don't want to speak it's telling that specific person that they don't care. That's what hurt's the most.. I guess it's also from getting a text from my ex bff "D" this weekend we had a small convo it didn't last long they never do. My biggest issue is hearing the word's "I'm Busy" is at some point PEOPLE MAKE TIME FOR THE ONES THEY CARE ABOUT! It's as simple as that and God! I'm so beyond frustrated being the one that's always get's left behind it's created so many issues deep within myself because I let this people who are suppose to be my best friends in the world treat me this way. It's just that I'm so scared to lose people who have had such an huge impact on my life for years to just be gone. As, I write this with tears running down my face with my heart sunken so low into an ocean of disbelief.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
Reuniting..
FYI- Talky Post
I have always said friends can be the best and worst people in you're life because if it's the best you are on the same page about everything and always enjoying each others company yet, if it's the opposite those people you once knew for being there for you no matter what just stop caring. I have had a interesting experience recently and that is because I have been dying to go to a concert because hello that's where I'm the most happy! So my choices were Queen and Adam Lambert but all the way in Seattle who I'd want to go see them with is my mom because that's always been one thing we bonded over. Then the other is Green Day who are coming to the Rose Garden (Moda Center) on August 2nd which seemed the most doable. So I was on the hunt for someone to go with, An I asked "S" and she shot me down because she doesn't like their music which is like okay whatever. Then I remembered a friend who we will call her "K" we use to be so obsessed with this band in middle school so I ended up asking her and she said she'd love to go but she's having to move to the coast with her boyfriend because they are homeless but if they go back there his parents can get them a place. While we started talking turns out today she needed my help to return two things at Home Depot which we did and she kept thanking me over and over again and tomorrow we have plans to go for coffee! The reuniting was nice because I'd always help her if I could I'm not one of those friends who won't help someone out in a time of need just because we stopped being friends and lost communication with one another.
I have been so tired the past two night's I have been sleeping horribly just for the reason of not being able to get comfortable it sucks. So right now, I'm barely holding my eyes open.. :(
Ps, can't wait to see how tomorrow goes!
I have always said friends can be the best and worst people in you're life because if it's the best you are on the same page about everything and always enjoying each others company yet, if it's the opposite those people you once knew for being there for you no matter what just stop caring. I have had a interesting experience recently and that is because I have been dying to go to a concert because hello that's where I'm the most happy! So my choices were Queen and Adam Lambert but all the way in Seattle who I'd want to go see them with is my mom because that's always been one thing we bonded over. Then the other is Green Day who are coming to the Rose Garden (Moda Center) on August 2nd which seemed the most doable. So I was on the hunt for someone to go with, An I asked "S" and she shot me down because she doesn't like their music which is like okay whatever. Then I remembered a friend who we will call her "K" we use to be so obsessed with this band in middle school so I ended up asking her and she said she'd love to go but she's having to move to the coast with her boyfriend because they are homeless but if they go back there his parents can get them a place. While we started talking turns out today she needed my help to return two things at Home Depot which we did and she kept thanking me over and over again and tomorrow we have plans to go for coffee! The reuniting was nice because I'd always help her if I could I'm not one of those friends who won't help someone out in a time of need just because we stopped being friends and lost communication with one another.
I have been so tired the past two night's I have been sleeping horribly just for the reason of not being able to get comfortable it sucks. So right now, I'm barely holding my eyes open.. :(
Ps, can't wait to see how tomorrow goes!
Thursday, February 2, 2017
A Rough Few Days..
FYI- Talky Post
UGH! so all this shit started on Sunday when I was suppose to go hang out with "S" while she worked on her film project. The first annoying thing was she didn't make a set in stone plan and she knows I'm one of those people who if you're gonna hang out with me I need a time, place, and what we are doing. Once again, it was "oh I'll text you when I wake up" then when I got up and noticed no text I texted her 3 times and called her once because my mom was gonna give me a ride to where we were suppose to be meeting so I needed to tell her because she was meeting my dad and I wasn't trying to waste her time. Then got in the car and noticed where we were meeting was way further than I thought and I had to walk home and it was gonna take me all damn day! Plus the fact that I have to walk to the bus stop all week. So I choose to just go home because I knew it was gonna be to much walking and I wasn't in the mood already. Later I found out on snapchat that she ended up bring her sister along like wtf! was she gonna come along from the start? Personally, I think if your bringing someone along on an outing that you have planned with another person YOU SHOULD TELL THEM! not just surprising them on that person..
Then that Monday I felt bad so I ended up texting her and once again she's stuck on this guy who never really liked her and she did "Netflix and chill" with him like come on? Then of course we went back and fourth fighting through texting it's all just so fucking stupid!
Then I thought I was gonna be able to talk with my other close friend "D" who texted me saying she missed me and hoped I was well and I should have known she's just too busy to talk and that got my hopes up and then I felt like I crashed and burned...
On top of all this shit, I was so happy to hang out with one of my good friends on campus yesterday and I texted her while I was in class to tell her what time I get out and she replies that "she can't come because she barley got started on her speech for her class." Right? Just like that I felt like complete crap because all I wanted is to be able to talk to someone.. I'm so alone and boy does it suck!
Last night, mom came home and asked me how was my day and I just exploded and said I didn't want to talk about it and I don't because if I do I get way to fucking emotional and I don't like being emotional my brain sees emotion that's in the sad area just as fucking weakness and I'm not that kind of person to go sit and cry about shit I'd much rather keep it all inside and pretend everything is fine.
Plus, I think one of the real reason's why I don't want to open up is because I hate explaining everything it just takes way to much time and I just don't think it's worth it...
UGH! so all this shit started on Sunday when I was suppose to go hang out with "S" while she worked on her film project. The first annoying thing was she didn't make a set in stone plan and she knows I'm one of those people who if you're gonna hang out with me I need a time, place, and what we are doing. Once again, it was "oh I'll text you when I wake up" then when I got up and noticed no text I texted her 3 times and called her once because my mom was gonna give me a ride to where we were suppose to be meeting so I needed to tell her because she was meeting my dad and I wasn't trying to waste her time. Then got in the car and noticed where we were meeting was way further than I thought and I had to walk home and it was gonna take me all damn day! Plus the fact that I have to walk to the bus stop all week. So I choose to just go home because I knew it was gonna be to much walking and I wasn't in the mood already. Later I found out on snapchat that she ended up bring her sister along like wtf! was she gonna come along from the start? Personally, I think if your bringing someone along on an outing that you have planned with another person YOU SHOULD TELL THEM! not just surprising them on that person..
Then that Monday I felt bad so I ended up texting her and once again she's stuck on this guy who never really liked her and she did "Netflix and chill" with him like come on? Then of course we went back and fourth fighting through texting it's all just so fucking stupid!
Then I thought I was gonna be able to talk with my other close friend "D" who texted me saying she missed me and hoped I was well and I should have known she's just too busy to talk and that got my hopes up and then I felt like I crashed and burned...
On top of all this shit, I was so happy to hang out with one of my good friends on campus yesterday and I texted her while I was in class to tell her what time I get out and she replies that "she can't come because she barley got started on her speech for her class." Right? Just like that I felt like complete crap because all I wanted is to be able to talk to someone.. I'm so alone and boy does it suck!
Last night, mom came home and asked me how was my day and I just exploded and said I didn't want to talk about it and I don't because if I do I get way to fucking emotional and I don't like being emotional my brain sees emotion that's in the sad area just as fucking weakness and I'm not that kind of person to go sit and cry about shit I'd much rather keep it all inside and pretend everything is fine.
Plus, I think one of the real reason's why I don't want to open up is because I hate explaining everything it just takes way to much time and I just don't think it's worth it...
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
The Hoildays.. HA!
Talky Post!
So, two days after Christmas and damn it takes so much to prepare for it that once it's over you look around and think damn how the hell did that happen? The answer being I became my mom's Elf which meant I helped pick up the extra work so she could focus on what she needed to get done which is totally fine and I was very willing to help out but with certain things she wants it to be done her way and okay I understand that because everyone likes to do things their own way. Expect when the way I found to do it is much faster and takes have the amount of time it makes me a little angry that she strongly raises her voice at me to do it her way. For example this morning, we were taking down the Christmas Decorations so I got the empty boxes and started placing stuff in categories such as, living room, bathroom, kitchen etc. Well, wanted to sort it herself and ended up getting snippy with me when she told me to bring in stuff thats on the formal dining room table into the living room and I answered with "That's what I'm doing" she took it as attitude when I was just telling her what I was doing. She later said she was sorry. I think we have just spent TOO MUCH TIME together lately tomorrow I'm gonna go hang out with a friend for the day just to give her that space. I also think she's sad about having to go back to school (she's a teacher) I mean aren't we all ;)
So, two days after Christmas and damn it takes so much to prepare for it that once it's over you look around and think damn how the hell did that happen? The answer being I became my mom's Elf which meant I helped pick up the extra work so she could focus on what she needed to get done which is totally fine and I was very willing to help out but with certain things she wants it to be done her way and okay I understand that because everyone likes to do things their own way. Expect when the way I found to do it is much faster and takes have the amount of time it makes me a little angry that she strongly raises her voice at me to do it her way. For example this morning, we were taking down the Christmas Decorations so I got the empty boxes and started placing stuff in categories such as, living room, bathroom, kitchen etc. Well, wanted to sort it herself and ended up getting snippy with me when she told me to bring in stuff thats on the formal dining room table into the living room and I answered with "That's what I'm doing" she took it as attitude when I was just telling her what I was doing. She later said she was sorry. I think we have just spent TOO MUCH TIME together lately tomorrow I'm gonna go hang out with a friend for the day just to give her that space. I also think she's sad about having to go back to school (she's a teacher) I mean aren't we all ;)
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Letting My Guard Down
FAIR WARNING TALKY POST!
In my personality I think I have two sides one being the silly, funny, energetic side of myself that all my friends and family see the typical everyday self. Then the other being the side that stores all feelings, emotions, memories which is way most of my sadness in life lives. It's funny the other day I was talking to my closest friend "S" who has really stepped up in the past few years of being friends because I often turned to her when I didn't have anyone else. Well, we were talking about star signs her's being Gemini and mine being a Sagittarius and what traits we think co inside with who we are and mine is known two have two personalities the crazy loud one and the more emotional deeper one.
I don't know what it is but their is something in me that I hate showing any type of emotions if they not the happier ones. I guess in my head it reads it as being weak which I know it isn't at all because someone being brave enough to share their most deepest feelings and emotions is way more stronger than someone who shoves them way down and not letting them see the light of day. I've said this before but I can get "stuck" in my sadness it tends to linger around which is where I'm at right now. The reason is in the last two post's I have made on here and rather not address it directly but I guess it's the feeling of being so close with someone but wanting completely different lives. This friend wants the typical American Dream; Get Married, Buy a house, Have kids etc basically she wants a life of a housewife now I'm not discrediting the work of a housewife because I honestly think they are the hardest working people in the world sometimes because having to keep up with cooking, cleaning, kids, appointments, and still trying to have a romantic relationship with their significant other. (Major Props Given!) I have seen this life first hand with my sister and how her family dynamic works. Her husband is the breadwinner of the family and she is a stay at home mother so she does all of those chores I have spoken above in the last sentence. All though, the life I want to lead is a bit of a crazy one my dream job is to be a writer for Rolling Stone magazine or if I get lucky to continue on with this blog and revamp it into a primary music related blog because that's mixing my two loves in life writing and music. Now I know that life leads a huge amount of travel, busier than expected daily schedule, and a lot of networking with the "right" people. The best description I can give is the film Almost Famous directed by Cameron Crow I would kill to be his character getting to go on tour with a band and reporting and interviewing them about their lives and the creative processes. Also though I see myself as a version of the character Penny Lane because of that free spirit vibe, the loving heart that drives her to watch out for the other girls on tour as well, and of course wanting to be as close as possible to the men and women who create the music that makes her blood flow through her veins. (Side note: I wrote something about describing why I relate so much to the film Almost Famous let me know if you guys want me to post it on here!). What is frustrating is I also want what is the American Dream as well but different and filled with blending both work and pleasure which I laugh at because everyone swears I'll marry a musician one day and I have to agree because I feel like I could truly be myself with another creative soul. Honestly, I felt like I just needed to vent and let out everything I have been thinking about to a place where I know I won't get judged.
Love, Tay
In my personality I think I have two sides one being the silly, funny, energetic side of myself that all my friends and family see the typical everyday self. Then the other being the side that stores all feelings, emotions, memories which is way most of my sadness in life lives. It's funny the other day I was talking to my closest friend "S" who has really stepped up in the past few years of being friends because I often turned to her when I didn't have anyone else. Well, we were talking about star signs her's being Gemini and mine being a Sagittarius and what traits we think co inside with who we are and mine is known two have two personalities the crazy loud one and the more emotional deeper one.
I don't know what it is but their is something in me that I hate showing any type of emotions if they not the happier ones. I guess in my head it reads it as being weak which I know it isn't at all because someone being brave enough to share their most deepest feelings and emotions is way more stronger than someone who shoves them way down and not letting them see the light of day. I've said this before but I can get "stuck" in my sadness it tends to linger around which is where I'm at right now. The reason is in the last two post's I have made on here and rather not address it directly but I guess it's the feeling of being so close with someone but wanting completely different lives. This friend wants the typical American Dream; Get Married, Buy a house, Have kids etc basically she wants a life of a housewife now I'm not discrediting the work of a housewife because I honestly think they are the hardest working people in the world sometimes because having to keep up with cooking, cleaning, kids, appointments, and still trying to have a romantic relationship with their significant other. (Major Props Given!) I have seen this life first hand with my sister and how her family dynamic works. Her husband is the breadwinner of the family and she is a stay at home mother so she does all of those chores I have spoken above in the last sentence. All though, the life I want to lead is a bit of a crazy one my dream job is to be a writer for Rolling Stone magazine or if I get lucky to continue on with this blog and revamp it into a primary music related blog because that's mixing my two loves in life writing and music. Now I know that life leads a huge amount of travel, busier than expected daily schedule, and a lot of networking with the "right" people. The best description I can give is the film Almost Famous directed by Cameron Crow I would kill to be his character getting to go on tour with a band and reporting and interviewing them about their lives and the creative processes. Also though I see myself as a version of the character Penny Lane because of that free spirit vibe, the loving heart that drives her to watch out for the other girls on tour as well, and of course wanting to be as close as possible to the men and women who create the music that makes her blood flow through her veins. (Side note: I wrote something about describing why I relate so much to the film Almost Famous let me know if you guys want me to post it on here!). What is frustrating is I also want what is the American Dream as well but different and filled with blending both work and pleasure which I laugh at because everyone swears I'll marry a musician one day and I have to agree because I feel like I could truly be myself with another creative soul. Honestly, I felt like I just needed to vent and let out everything I have been thinking about to a place where I know I won't get judged.
Love, Tay
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
So Confused...
FAIR WARNING TALKY POST!
Okay, so in my last post I spoke about doubting that I was going to get a happy birthday from a certain friend but at 11:09 pm she sent me a message basically saying happy birthday now that I'm 21 I can go to Vegas and actually get into clubs and drink and do vegas the right way and of course go see Thunder From Down Under which I sorta laughed at because when we went together we got a lot of attention from a few members of the show in passing ;) plus we were only 17 at the time so we felt like some real hot shit you know? Well, I responded to her saying not right now and money is tight which it is also the fact that I didn't want to go see them without her because we always said it would be "our" thing. Then she goes; "why not? why is money tight? why can't you?" lastly I said "it's not like I won't ever get to see them just not now that's all" An the convo stopped there...
What hurts is the fact that she either doesn't seem too understand that it's something I've always wanted to do with her. Also it may date back to my graduation present which happened to be going to Vegas and seeing Aerosmith live which was suppose to happen but she couldn't pay for her plane ticket :( I do think while she was supportive and was a really good spot about the whole thing and let me blab all about it too her. I couldn't say the same if the roles we're switched cause I'd be soooooo jealous!
I don't know honestly all I wish is we can get back to our silly selves and how we use to be I feel so out of the loop with her life she use to tell me everything and I did the same but now it's just so awkward... This whole situation is something that's caused a lot of issues with me emotionally because I desperately want that best friend-friendship we had. It sucks drifting apart from somebody who meant so much to you. Maybe one day we will be like we use too but a lot of stuff would need to change and I don't have much hope for that happening because it's been 2 almost 3 years since I felt so far away from her like we just disconnected.
Love, Tay
Okay, so in my last post I spoke about doubting that I was going to get a happy birthday from a certain friend but at 11:09 pm she sent me a message basically saying happy birthday now that I'm 21 I can go to Vegas and actually get into clubs and drink and do vegas the right way and of course go see Thunder From Down Under which I sorta laughed at because when we went together we got a lot of attention from a few members of the show in passing ;) plus we were only 17 at the time so we felt like some real hot shit you know? Well, I responded to her saying not right now and money is tight which it is also the fact that I didn't want to go see them without her because we always said it would be "our" thing. Then she goes; "why not? why is money tight? why can't you?" lastly I said "it's not like I won't ever get to see them just not now that's all" An the convo stopped there...
What hurts is the fact that she either doesn't seem too understand that it's something I've always wanted to do with her. Also it may date back to my graduation present which happened to be going to Vegas and seeing Aerosmith live which was suppose to happen but she couldn't pay for her plane ticket :( I do think while she was supportive and was a really good spot about the whole thing and let me blab all about it too her. I couldn't say the same if the roles we're switched cause I'd be soooooo jealous!
I don't know honestly all I wish is we can get back to our silly selves and how we use to be I feel so out of the loop with her life she use to tell me everything and I did the same but now it's just so awkward... This whole situation is something that's caused a lot of issues with me emotionally because I desperately want that best friend-friendship we had. It sucks drifting apart from somebody who meant so much to you. Maybe one day we will be like we use too but a lot of stuff would need to change and I don't have much hope for that happening because it's been 2 almost 3 years since I felt so far away from her like we just disconnected.
Love, Tay
Monday, December 12, 2016
My Birthday 12/12/16
FAIR WARNING TALKY POST!
Well, I'm officially 21 years old it feels very nice because I do like my life at the moment everything seems to be going really great which I'm thankful for. I got a handful of super sweet birthday messages which I loved but sadly, didn't get one from a friend who we've drifted apart a lot this past year and it's hard because we always said we'd spend our birthdays together. I mean for her's I sent her this long thoughtful message and I can't even get a "happy birthday" from her is just beyond heartbreaking because of all the history we have between us. I guess there's still 11 hours of my birthday so I possibly could still get some kind of gesture showing she cares a tiny bit but I highly doubt I'm going to get it. Other than that my days going pretty well I have this confidence within that I feel really sexy for some odd reason like I'm pretty sure I've been cat-walking it all around campus
(I'm doing finals at the moment). Another cool thing is we had a small snow shower last week in which caused two days off from school for my mom (she's a teacher) we got the house all pretty for Christmas and had a nice walk in the snow all though on the way back we kept getting just straight ice coming down into our faces which wasn't nice but once we got home where it was all nice and warm I decided it was a good day. Actually the news says we are suppose to get another round of winter weather so I'm prepared but the last time I doubted we would get anything. I sure was soooo wrong! Tonight my parents are taking me out to dinner which is sweet but I just wanted to do that will friends not my parents you know? Oh well, I'll live hopefully we will go early enough nobody I'd know is there because spending your 21st with your parents is beyond lame! (Fingers Crossed)
Well, I'm officially 21 years old it feels very nice because I do like my life at the moment everything seems to be going really great which I'm thankful for. I got a handful of super sweet birthday messages which I loved but sadly, didn't get one from a friend who we've drifted apart a lot this past year and it's hard because we always said we'd spend our birthdays together. I mean for her's I sent her this long thoughtful message and I can't even get a "happy birthday" from her is just beyond heartbreaking because of all the history we have between us. I guess there's still 11 hours of my birthday so I possibly could still get some kind of gesture showing she cares a tiny bit but I highly doubt I'm going to get it. Other than that my days going pretty well I have this confidence within that I feel really sexy for some odd reason like I'm pretty sure I've been cat-walking it all around campus
(I'm doing finals at the moment). Another cool thing is we had a small snow shower last week in which caused two days off from school for my mom (she's a teacher) we got the house all pretty for Christmas and had a nice walk in the snow all though on the way back we kept getting just straight ice coming down into our faces which wasn't nice but once we got home where it was all nice and warm I decided it was a good day. Actually the news says we are suppose to get another round of winter weather so I'm prepared but the last time I doubted we would get anything. I sure was soooo wrong! Tonight my parents are taking me out to dinner which is sweet but I just wanted to do that will friends not my parents you know? Oh well, I'll live hopefully we will go early enough nobody I'd know is there because spending your 21st with your parents is beyond lame! (Fingers Crossed)
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