Talky Post!
So, two days after Christmas and damn it takes so much to prepare for it that once it's over you look around and think damn how the hell did that happen? The answer being I became my mom's Elf which meant I helped pick up the extra work so she could focus on what she needed to get done which is totally fine and I was very willing to help out but with certain things she wants it to be done her way and okay I understand that because everyone likes to do things their own way. Expect when the way I found to do it is much faster and takes have the amount of time it makes me a little angry that she strongly raises her voice at me to do it her way. For example this morning, we were taking down the Christmas Decorations so I got the empty boxes and started placing stuff in categories such as, living room, bathroom, kitchen etc. Well, wanted to sort it herself and ended up getting snippy with me when she told me to bring in stuff thats on the formal dining room table into the living room and I answered with "That's what I'm doing" she took it as attitude when I was just telling her what I was doing. She later said she was sorry. I think we have just spent TOO MUCH TIME together lately tomorrow I'm gonna go hang out with a friend for the day just to give her that space. I also think she's sad about having to go back to school (she's a teacher) I mean aren't we all ;)
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Letting My Guard Down
FAIR WARNING TALKY POST!
In my personality I think I have two sides one being the silly, funny, energetic side of myself that all my friends and family see the typical everyday self. Then the other being the side that stores all feelings, emotions, memories which is way most of my sadness in life lives. It's funny the other day I was talking to my closest friend "S" who has really stepped up in the past few years of being friends because I often turned to her when I didn't have anyone else. Well, we were talking about star signs her's being Gemini and mine being a Sagittarius and what traits we think co inside with who we are and mine is known two have two personalities the crazy loud one and the more emotional deeper one.
I don't know what it is but their is something in me that I hate showing any type of emotions if they not the happier ones. I guess in my head it reads it as being weak which I know it isn't at all because someone being brave enough to share their most deepest feelings and emotions is way more stronger than someone who shoves them way down and not letting them see the light of day. I've said this before but I can get "stuck" in my sadness it tends to linger around which is where I'm at right now. The reason is in the last two post's I have made on here and rather not address it directly but I guess it's the feeling of being so close with someone but wanting completely different lives. This friend wants the typical American Dream; Get Married, Buy a house, Have kids etc basically she wants a life of a housewife now I'm not discrediting the work of a housewife because I honestly think they are the hardest working people in the world sometimes because having to keep up with cooking, cleaning, kids, appointments, and still trying to have a romantic relationship with their significant other. (Major Props Given!) I have seen this life first hand with my sister and how her family dynamic works. Her husband is the breadwinner of the family and she is a stay at home mother so she does all of those chores I have spoken above in the last sentence. All though, the life I want to lead is a bit of a crazy one my dream job is to be a writer for Rolling Stone magazine or if I get lucky to continue on with this blog and revamp it into a primary music related blog because that's mixing my two loves in life writing and music. Now I know that life leads a huge amount of travel, busier than expected daily schedule, and a lot of networking with the "right" people. The best description I can give is the film Almost Famous directed by Cameron Crow I would kill to be his character getting to go on tour with a band and reporting and interviewing them about their lives and the creative processes. Also though I see myself as a version of the character Penny Lane because of that free spirit vibe, the loving heart that drives her to watch out for the other girls on tour as well, and of course wanting to be as close as possible to the men and women who create the music that makes her blood flow through her veins. (Side note: I wrote something about describing why I relate so much to the film Almost Famous let me know if you guys want me to post it on here!). What is frustrating is I also want what is the American Dream as well but different and filled with blending both work and pleasure which I laugh at because everyone swears I'll marry a musician one day and I have to agree because I feel like I could truly be myself with another creative soul. Honestly, I felt like I just needed to vent and let out everything I have been thinking about to a place where I know I won't get judged.
Love, Tay
In my personality I think I have two sides one being the silly, funny, energetic side of myself that all my friends and family see the typical everyday self. Then the other being the side that stores all feelings, emotions, memories which is way most of my sadness in life lives. It's funny the other day I was talking to my closest friend "S" who has really stepped up in the past few years of being friends because I often turned to her when I didn't have anyone else. Well, we were talking about star signs her's being Gemini and mine being a Sagittarius and what traits we think co inside with who we are and mine is known two have two personalities the crazy loud one and the more emotional deeper one.
I don't know what it is but their is something in me that I hate showing any type of emotions if they not the happier ones. I guess in my head it reads it as being weak which I know it isn't at all because someone being brave enough to share their most deepest feelings and emotions is way more stronger than someone who shoves them way down and not letting them see the light of day. I've said this before but I can get "stuck" in my sadness it tends to linger around which is where I'm at right now. The reason is in the last two post's I have made on here and rather not address it directly but I guess it's the feeling of being so close with someone but wanting completely different lives. This friend wants the typical American Dream; Get Married, Buy a house, Have kids etc basically she wants a life of a housewife now I'm not discrediting the work of a housewife because I honestly think they are the hardest working people in the world sometimes because having to keep up with cooking, cleaning, kids, appointments, and still trying to have a romantic relationship with their significant other. (Major Props Given!) I have seen this life first hand with my sister and how her family dynamic works. Her husband is the breadwinner of the family and she is a stay at home mother so she does all of those chores I have spoken above in the last sentence. All though, the life I want to lead is a bit of a crazy one my dream job is to be a writer for Rolling Stone magazine or if I get lucky to continue on with this blog and revamp it into a primary music related blog because that's mixing my two loves in life writing and music. Now I know that life leads a huge amount of travel, busier than expected daily schedule, and a lot of networking with the "right" people. The best description I can give is the film Almost Famous directed by Cameron Crow I would kill to be his character getting to go on tour with a band and reporting and interviewing them about their lives and the creative processes. Also though I see myself as a version of the character Penny Lane because of that free spirit vibe, the loving heart that drives her to watch out for the other girls on tour as well, and of course wanting to be as close as possible to the men and women who create the music that makes her blood flow through her veins. (Side note: I wrote something about describing why I relate so much to the film Almost Famous let me know if you guys want me to post it on here!). What is frustrating is I also want what is the American Dream as well but different and filled with blending both work and pleasure which I laugh at because everyone swears I'll marry a musician one day and I have to agree because I feel like I could truly be myself with another creative soul. Honestly, I felt like I just needed to vent and let out everything I have been thinking about to a place where I know I won't get judged.
Love, Tay
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
So Confused...
FAIR WARNING TALKY POST!
Okay, so in my last post I spoke about doubting that I was going to get a happy birthday from a certain friend but at 11:09 pm she sent me a message basically saying happy birthday now that I'm 21 I can go to Vegas and actually get into clubs and drink and do vegas the right way and of course go see Thunder From Down Under which I sorta laughed at because when we went together we got a lot of attention from a few members of the show in passing ;) plus we were only 17 at the time so we felt like some real hot shit you know? Well, I responded to her saying not right now and money is tight which it is also the fact that I didn't want to go see them without her because we always said it would be "our" thing. Then she goes; "why not? why is money tight? why can't you?" lastly I said "it's not like I won't ever get to see them just not now that's all" An the convo stopped there...
What hurts is the fact that she either doesn't seem too understand that it's something I've always wanted to do with her. Also it may date back to my graduation present which happened to be going to Vegas and seeing Aerosmith live which was suppose to happen but she couldn't pay for her plane ticket :( I do think while she was supportive and was a really good spot about the whole thing and let me blab all about it too her. I couldn't say the same if the roles we're switched cause I'd be soooooo jealous!
I don't know honestly all I wish is we can get back to our silly selves and how we use to be I feel so out of the loop with her life she use to tell me everything and I did the same but now it's just so awkward... This whole situation is something that's caused a lot of issues with me emotionally because I desperately want that best friend-friendship we had. It sucks drifting apart from somebody who meant so much to you. Maybe one day we will be like we use too but a lot of stuff would need to change and I don't have much hope for that happening because it's been 2 almost 3 years since I felt so far away from her like we just disconnected.
Love, Tay
Okay, so in my last post I spoke about doubting that I was going to get a happy birthday from a certain friend but at 11:09 pm she sent me a message basically saying happy birthday now that I'm 21 I can go to Vegas and actually get into clubs and drink and do vegas the right way and of course go see Thunder From Down Under which I sorta laughed at because when we went together we got a lot of attention from a few members of the show in passing ;) plus we were only 17 at the time so we felt like some real hot shit you know? Well, I responded to her saying not right now and money is tight which it is also the fact that I didn't want to go see them without her because we always said it would be "our" thing. Then she goes; "why not? why is money tight? why can't you?" lastly I said "it's not like I won't ever get to see them just not now that's all" An the convo stopped there...
What hurts is the fact that she either doesn't seem too understand that it's something I've always wanted to do with her. Also it may date back to my graduation present which happened to be going to Vegas and seeing Aerosmith live which was suppose to happen but she couldn't pay for her plane ticket :( I do think while she was supportive and was a really good spot about the whole thing and let me blab all about it too her. I couldn't say the same if the roles we're switched cause I'd be soooooo jealous!
I don't know honestly all I wish is we can get back to our silly selves and how we use to be I feel so out of the loop with her life she use to tell me everything and I did the same but now it's just so awkward... This whole situation is something that's caused a lot of issues with me emotionally because I desperately want that best friend-friendship we had. It sucks drifting apart from somebody who meant so much to you. Maybe one day we will be like we use too but a lot of stuff would need to change and I don't have much hope for that happening because it's been 2 almost 3 years since I felt so far away from her like we just disconnected.
Love, Tay
Monday, December 12, 2016
My Birthday 12/12/16
FAIR WARNING TALKY POST!
Well, I'm officially 21 years old it feels very nice because I do like my life at the moment everything seems to be going really great which I'm thankful for. I got a handful of super sweet birthday messages which I loved but sadly, didn't get one from a friend who we've drifted apart a lot this past year and it's hard because we always said we'd spend our birthdays together. I mean for her's I sent her this long thoughtful message and I can't even get a "happy birthday" from her is just beyond heartbreaking because of all the history we have between us. I guess there's still 11 hours of my birthday so I possibly could still get some kind of gesture showing she cares a tiny bit but I highly doubt I'm going to get it. Other than that my days going pretty well I have this confidence within that I feel really sexy for some odd reason like I'm pretty sure I've been cat-walking it all around campus
(I'm doing finals at the moment). Another cool thing is we had a small snow shower last week in which caused two days off from school for my mom (she's a teacher) we got the house all pretty for Christmas and had a nice walk in the snow all though on the way back we kept getting just straight ice coming down into our faces which wasn't nice but once we got home where it was all nice and warm I decided it was a good day. Actually the news says we are suppose to get another round of winter weather so I'm prepared but the last time I doubted we would get anything. I sure was soooo wrong! Tonight my parents are taking me out to dinner which is sweet but I just wanted to do that will friends not my parents you know? Oh well, I'll live hopefully we will go early enough nobody I'd know is there because spending your 21st with your parents is beyond lame! (Fingers Crossed)
Well, I'm officially 21 years old it feels very nice because I do like my life at the moment everything seems to be going really great which I'm thankful for. I got a handful of super sweet birthday messages which I loved but sadly, didn't get one from a friend who we've drifted apart a lot this past year and it's hard because we always said we'd spend our birthdays together. I mean for her's I sent her this long thoughtful message and I can't even get a "happy birthday" from her is just beyond heartbreaking because of all the history we have between us. I guess there's still 11 hours of my birthday so I possibly could still get some kind of gesture showing she cares a tiny bit but I highly doubt I'm going to get it. Other than that my days going pretty well I have this confidence within that I feel really sexy for some odd reason like I'm pretty sure I've been cat-walking it all around campus
(I'm doing finals at the moment). Another cool thing is we had a small snow shower last week in which caused two days off from school for my mom (she's a teacher) we got the house all pretty for Christmas and had a nice walk in the snow all though on the way back we kept getting just straight ice coming down into our faces which wasn't nice but once we got home where it was all nice and warm I decided it was a good day. Actually the news says we are suppose to get another round of winter weather so I'm prepared but the last time I doubted we would get anything. I sure was soooo wrong! Tonight my parents are taking me out to dinner which is sweet but I just wanted to do that will friends not my parents you know? Oh well, I'll live hopefully we will go early enough nobody I'd know is there because spending your 21st with your parents is beyond lame! (Fingers Crossed)
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Lenny Kravitz- The Chamber
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| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAHlQ77lm10 |
You know how sometimes you end up in a downward spiral on Youtube? Well, that is what happened to me a clip from his Oprah Master class episode popped up so I just decided to see if he put out any new music because I like his song Fly Away and his rendition of American Women is one of my all time favorites. I came across this particular song "The Chamber" so I clicked and Wow! First of all I love the whole idea for the video basically the danger of the act of play also wanting what you know you shouldn't have. It's so tempting yet in the back of your head you know you shouldn't engage but something inside yea just can't say no. The beginning is classical sound using a string section then BOOM you hear the gun shot. Which at first listen made me jump a bit, then this real groove oriented guitar comes in mixing with a steady beat of drums and a bass line that would make Prince (RIP) so proud and probably smiling down on him from heaven above. As a fan of Rock music I lately always hear that "Rock Is Dead" and honestly it may be but this is reinventing the genre of "Rock" music because I know this must have been a club hit as well because people can dance to it! With the EDM (Electric Dance Music) being so big nowadays, this is a great way for possible rock artists to go the EDM route. I hate to say it because I totally get a Disco vibe as well from this song very Studio 54 sounding I can see the drinks, lights, shiny clothing etc ;) Honestly it is a cool song so check it out
Love, Tay
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