You've Changed

FYI- Talky Post

I think the phase "You've Changed" is a double edged sword meaning it's used as a negative attack on somebody who isn't the "same" person you may have liked once before. It's almost always said in a cold way as if the person they are saying this too is almost dead to them. Sadly, I have said this phase a few times before and now I look on it realizing how wrong I was for saying that because I didn't understand the deeper emotional meaning of those words also how I felt during the time I said it. As children we group each other into category's based on how similar we are to each other and that's how we start to make friends and I can say that's how I looked for friends growing up and I take friendships very seriously as I'm sure anyone who reads my blog can tell and about two years ago I went through a very tough time in my life I graduated high school and had an amazing summer spent with friends and family pretty much just loving life. Well, summer ended as it does and all my friends were heading off to college and I had no idea of what I wanted to do with my life or if I even wanted to attempt going to college because I struggled so much with not only the work but feeling so run down to the point where I just wanted to be done that I hated learning at that moment. When I really I do like learning I have such a strong passion for history, culture, and art that anything in those subjects I'm drawn too. It's like once I realize I like learning about a certain subject I really jump into it as if I obsess about it and won't stop till I know everything about that thing, person, etc. Once I was pushed to take the leap and start taking classes at a community college that I finally realized I could take classes and get the grades that I always wanted A's to be honest it restored my faith in that I am smart but in a creative way and not much in the logical way which is just fine because I finally think I know a career path I'd like to go down and that is to be a writer for a music magazine or a music historian because I'd be doing something I truly love yes it's a dream job but it's something I really want so I'm going to work my ass over to get there! Knowing that I changed in as little as a term of college I finally started to see how the words I spoke to some of my closest friends when they were going off to university was said out of a place of hurt and feeling abandoned because I felt left behind because I didn't know what I wanted too do with my life. Some of the abandoned feelings stemmed from going to speaking to my friends everyday sometimes all day to radio silence for weeks on end and too me it was like they didn't care about me anymore when actually they were just busy with classes, homework, papers, work, other activities, new friends, and new significant others. Once I began filling my time with classes, homework, papers, new friends, failed romantic conquests :/ I knew the feeling of not having enough time to eat some days let alone text a friend back or have a phone chat with them (Boy do I miss talking to people on the phone for hours!) it finally registered in my head what it was like for them on their side. The hardest part is knowing way to go in a friendship that has lasted 8 years (D) is how to start a new chapter in our friendship now that I have changed/grown up as well as she has I think I need to start making an effort to keep in contact because I've left it be for awhile when I shouldn't have. Then other closest friend (B) is leaving in three days to study aboard program for 3 months I'm gonna miss her so much but I'm so excited for her as well so I think I'll just be so excited for her to come home to tell me all about it!! So school starts for me on the 26th of this month and I'm excited to just jump in and see what happens :)

Love, Tay